


Loving For Two

by Batsymomma11



Series: Evolution of a Jaybird [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Batfamily Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Bonding, Fluff and Angst, Kidnapping, Long-Term Relationship(s), Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:17:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsymomma11/pseuds/Batsymomma11
Summary: The little blue and white stick with the smiley face meant Jason was going to be a dad. He wasn't ready.Part two in the series, picks up shortly after where Let's Start Over ended and will continue with Jason and Lanie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've got a rough outline for this work and I am hoping updates will be fairly regular, but one never knows. I'll do my best. And I hope anyone who enjoyed Let's Start Over, also enjoys Loving for Two. Thanks for all your comments and love and support:)
> 
> I do not own DC or its characters. I do own this story-line and the character Lanie. This plot is not canon compliant.

 

A smiley face on a blue and white stick and everything was supposed to change. For the better. It was supposed to be a miracle and a good one. People were supposed to celebrate and buy tiny cute outfits and diapers and bottles. They were supposed to paint nurseries and talk names and plan futures that were shiny and new and bright.

But in reality, everything stopped, froze with a petrified squeak, and then shot-gunned forward so hard and fast and merciless that you couldn’t prepare for how fucking hard it was going to be.

There was no way for Jason to prepare for it.

He tried to tell himself that it was normal to be afraid of the unknown and the things that would happen in that said unknown. But all he felt was uncertainty and worry and _fear._ And then guilt, because he should be happy about the godddamn smiley face on the blue and white stick. He should be ecstatic for Lanie and want it just as much as she did. 

But he didn’t.

He was too busy panicking in his own self-induced prison of guilt and self-loathing. He was too busy freaking the fuck out.

They went to the doctor and had everything confirmed. They’d gotten a due date, January 30th. It was too early know the sex of the baby but Lanie seemed like she wanted to know and Jason didn’t have any idea what he really wanted, so he had no opinion.

He had the ultrasound picture in his pocket. The one that looked like a tiny freaky alien with a pearl necklace for a spine and paddles for arms. When he stared at it at night after Lanie fell asleep, he’d feel the pit of his stomach hollow to the point of pain and his heart would pound so hard in his chest that he’d not even need to reach for his pulse in his neck to be reminded to stay present. Jason was going to be a father. Was in fact, technically, already one.

And it wasn’t part of the fucking plan.

It wasn’t part of any of their plans. Not really. Because they hadn’t discussed kids all that much. He loved them, sure, but he’d thought to have more time with just he and Lanie. They’d been living together just under two years and he’d considered going ring shopping the week before she’d told him to sit down on the couch before handing him that blue and white stick with the taunting smiley-face on it.

Then everything went to pot. Or still was, just very slowly.

Jason stuffed both hands into his pockets and ducked his head as he stepped out into the wet drizzle of rain to head for the cruiser. His partner was waiting with the dash light on, a map sprawled out in his lap and a toothpick stuffed between his lips. When Jason opened the driver-side door and quickly climbed in, the man hardly looked up in greeting.

“Took you long enough.”

“Sorry,” Jason mumbled, reaching for the rest of his luke-warm coffee he’d left in the cup holder, “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”

His partner, Samson Haggarty, scowled darkly from under a pair of wooly black brows then sighed, “Yeah, yeah. Did you get the gum?”

Jason fished out the pack of bubblegum Haggarty had requested and a wad of change, “Does it really help? The gum and toothpicks?”

“Yeah. A little.”

 Jason cast his partner a sidelong glance, then put the cruiser into gear, “I can’t imagine giving up smoking. But I might have to.”

“Right, you’re going to be a daddy now. Lanie getting on your case about it?”

“No.”

And that was the truth. She should. She should tell him to stop smoking and to be safer at work. Get a bigger life insurance policy to take care of everything in case he got himself killed at work or playing as Hood. But she’d been—strangely quiet about it all. She seemed oddly serene about the whole ordeal considering she was pregnant entirely by accident and Jason hadn’t exactly been the most ecstatic when she’d told him. In fact, he’d been an outright idiot.

She’d shown him the test, he’d stared at it for five minutes then left the apartment.

He’d not come back for a couple of hours. And when he had, Jason had fully expected a dressing down. He certainly would have deserved it. But Lanie had done nothing. She’d seemed a little resigned but forgiving and had said they’d figure it out together. That she was happy about it, even if it hadn’t been apart of the plan.

So, they were expecting a baby and Jason had no idea what the fuck he was going to do about it.

They hadn’t told the family yet. Either one.

But his partner, well, Jason didn’t figure it mattered that much. Haggarty was a father himself and didn’t care one way or the other what Jason did in his personal life. He was a middle-aged grumbler who preferred to gripe about paperwork and bitch over how badly the Knights were doing than gossip. He didn’t care what Jason told him and he certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone. But he did listen. Or at least, pretended to.

 “Mark my words, if this rain doesn’t stop, we’re going to be in for a crime wave in the narrows.”

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah. It’s hot out. With that heat and the wet, it’s a recipe for disaster. People are gonna get into trouble.”

 It was no secret that crime did one of two things during bad weather. It either skyrocketed or calmed to the point it hardly seemed present at all. When it was calm, Gotham could almost be called pretty. Everything was bright and shiny and clean. When it was ugly, Gotham was hell and you didn’t want the front row tickets you had no choice but to use. It was a nightmare. Warm, wet, weather, generally spelled the ugly. He’d bet money that Haggarty was right.   

"How much time do we got left?”

 Jason’s gaze flickered over to the dash clock and he frowned, “Three hours.”

“God, this shift is fucking slow.”

They shared a commiserating smile and Jason thought of Lanie. He thought of what she’d be doing to fill in the time till he got off shift. He hoped she’d stay awake long enough for him to do a proper hello.

 

Lanie had skipped dinner.

Not because she’d wanted to or had any choice in the matter, but because she spent the majority of her evening hugging the toilet bowl for dear life.

It was nearing midnight and she was sitting on the bathroom floor, spread eagle, with a half-empty package of saltines and a cup of ginger ale. She couldn’t even smell it without wanting to vomit. She’d slipped into a trance at around ten, aware that she was overtired and undernourished. She should get up and try to eat something.

For the baby’s sake…

But she felt like shit. She felt worse than shit. What did Jay say? That’s right, shit on a cracker.

And the man was late.

Growling lowly, Lanie checked her phone again, and saw it was now 12:15. She’d made it another quarter of an hour without dying, she could make it the rest of the night. She’d been reciting mantras that Dick had taught her and every sort of self-help shtick she could think of. It wasn’t as if she’d not expected morning sickness after finding out about the pregnancy. Far from it.

But she’d not expected it to be quite so debilitating.

She was in her third year of law school and next semester would need to start an apprenticeship. If the nausea continued on into the second trimester, the way some horror stories had led her to believe, then she’d be royally screwed. Lanie, _needed_ , her wits about her. She needed to be able to make it through a full day of court and then come home and do her homework. She needed to be able to walk into a building and not think, ‘where is the nearest toilet?’ She needed to feel like herself again.

This was _not_ part of the plan.

She’d been on birth control.

But then she’d gotten sick, did a course of antibiotics, and, presto! She was pregnant. Apparently, antibiotics had the unfortunate side-effect of negating birth control. Lanie really, really wished that particular topic had been covered in health class growing up.

Because it wasn’t as if they’d been stupid. She and Jay had been on the same page about kids. They wanted them, but not yet. Of course, not yet, she wanted to get her law degree and pass the Bar first. Jay wanted a few years under his belt with the GCPD. They wanted to buy a house—not be in a cramped one-bedroom apartment still.

Having a baby hadn’t even been on their radar until suddenly it was, and nobody was prepared and _both_ of them, were freaking out. Separately. Neither of them was talking about it. Not really. But they should be and that worried Lanie more than anything. She didn’t want the baby to push Jay away from her, even though, deep down, she knew the likelihood was high.

Unplanned pregnancies had unplanned ripples. Even if this baby was his child, not everyone felt paternal, especially when thrown into the deep-end.

He came from an ugly background with terrible parents and he and Bruce didn’t always have the most stable of relationships. Jay’s point of reference for a family was limited and poor. He was getting better. But had he had enough time to prepare for this? For fatherhood?

Lanie didn’t even feel like she had.

She felt so unprepared it was chafing at her resolve right alongside the nausea and the vomiting and the bloating and the exhaustion and the—

The front door creaked open. Keys clinked softly in the ugly clay bowl in the hall and she could hear the thud of boots being removed so they wouldn’t stain the carpeting.

Relief saturated everything. She sank into the floor, tipping her head back to rest it weakly on the wall and waited for Jay to come rounding the corner and peek inside. He didn’t disappoint, and he was a sight for sore eyes.

Even with a heavy five o’clock shadow and dark circles under his eyes, he looked good. More than good. He came in, took one look at her, and then frowned.

“You alright?”

“Morning sickness.”

“It’s almost one in the morning.”

“Doesn’t happen in the morning all the time. For me, all day.”

The frown deepened and Lanie watched as Jay internally struggled with something in silence. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever. She tried not to look worried, even though she was. She tried to just soak up his features and enjoy his presence. It seemed like they hardly saw each other with the amount of work they managed between the two of them.

Wordlessly, Jay kneeled at her side and pressed his lips to her forehead with a heavy sigh. Lanie melted into his touch and nuzzled at his neck when he didn’t pull away.

“I missed you.”

He wrapped long warm fingers at the base of her neck and squeezed lightly, “I missed you too, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry I’m like this.”

She could feel Jay’s scowl in his fingers and he sucked in breath. “Don’t say that. You can’t help being sick. Nobody asked for this Lanie.”

“No.”

But that didn’t make it any easier. For either of them.

They sat for long minutes listening, with Lanie drifting off into Jay’s smell and the overhead fan in the bathroom whirring pleasantly. She hardly put up a fight when she felt him shift her harder into his chest, so he could carry her. Normally, Lanie didn’t like being carried all that much. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the breathless feeling of being lifted into a big strong man’s arms, it was more along the lines of insecurity about suddenly being dropped if she were too heavy.

Tonight, it felt right to let his presence soothe. So, she curled her arms around his neck and pressed her nose to the dark navy uniform to take in the barely-there scent of his usual cigarettes and mint gum. Jay mumbled something into her hair as he walked slowly down the short hall and then into their bedroom. He deposited her on the bed like she was porcelain and started undressing her like she might shatter into a million pieces.

Maybe that was true. It had been a long day. She’d missed him. And she wasn’t feeling particularly well.

It was enough to bring tears stinging to her eyes and he said nothing when he saw it. He just kept up his gentle ministrations like it was a duty he enjoyed. Like it was something that brought as much peace and comfort to him, as it did to her. Maybe it did.

She sat back when he pushed her down into the downy pillows and Lanie sighed loudly as he dug his fingers into her right instep. He worked both her feet with equal care, keeping his touches firm and pain relieving. By the time he’d gotten to her calves, Lanie was a puddle of human tissue and was almost asleep. She wanted to kiss him. To bring his mouth to her own and make him see how much she loved him for his care. For his sweetness that he only brought out for her.

And he seemed to listen without being told.

Jay stopped rubbing, absently brushing hands up her sides, tracing a finger over her belly-button in a lingering way that said he was thinking about what was beneath it, then touched her lips reverently. She would never get over how he looked at her, in the dark with no one around, the world often stopped. It didn’t matter corny it sounded, because it was true. Jay could make the world stop when he wanted to.

“I love you,” Jay murmured, lips dipping to hers, softly pressing. A pause, a breath, a heartbeat, then he deepened the kiss and groaned gently into her mouth like he was desperately thirsty, and she was his water.

 It was exactly how she didn’t know she’d needed the night to end. Exactly what she’d needed to feel whole and safe and alright again.

 

Jason went to the manor still as often as his schedule allowed. But he worked, a friggin’ ton, and often he and Lanie were scrambling as it was just to see each other, let alone to squeeze in some family time.

Besides, he still patrolled as Red Hood, at _least_ once a week with the Bat. The man really had nothing to complain about. 

But that didn’t stop Bruce from calling to get on his case about it. Yes, Bruce. Not Alfred. _Bruce_.

_“You’ll still be here for dinner on Friday?”_

“Yeah, B, we will. I told Lanie she could count on it and I know she’s looking forward to it.”

_“Good, because I told Alfred the same. And we wouldn’t to disappoint him.”_

Jason could hear Bruce’s smile over the phone. They both knew the game they played. Bruce said Alfred missed them and used it as an excuse to cajole and outright bully as many visits as he could manage over the phone, and Jason let him. They didn’t talk about how it was harder than they’d both anticipated to live apart again, even though they were just across town. He and Lanie had been living together for a couple of years. But it was still something that made Jason ache a little when he thought about it. And it made him a little irritated that he missed that place at all.

He was the happiest he’d ever been with Lanie. But home was home. He supposed it would always be that way. At least, that’s what Dick said, and he was married for Pete’s sake.

“How’s the Demon? The Replacement?”

Bruce sighed, ignoring the nicknames dutifully in favor of keeping the peace. _“Damian has made noise about getting a job. And Tim starts at WE in a couple of weeks. He’s going to learn the business from the ground up while he gets his MA.”_

“Don’t tell me you’re making the brat start in the mailroom?”

_“No. I’d start him at the top if it were my choice. He’s brilliant. But you know Tim. He’s idealistic, stubborn, and incredibly persuasive. He wants to learn the company and earn his spot.”_

“Sounds stupid if you ask me.”

_“Jay…”_

“I know,” Jason pinched the bridge of his nose, “I know. He’s a good kid and I’m happy he wants to make the rest of us look bad. What about the Demon? What sort of job does he think he can do?”

_“He’s sixteen, so his options are little more—limited. Besides I don’t want a job getting in the way of his academics.”_

Jason snorted, “His academics or his ‘other’ extracurriculars?”

_“Both. I understand he wants to take over the mantle when I’m through but that requires years of experience and work. If he’s serious about it, he’ll have to earn it. Just like everyone else.”_

“Only the Demon really wanted it, B.”

_“Which makes things simpler, doesn’t it?”_

“I suppose.”

_“Anyways,”_ conversation over, _“I’ve got a meeting in an hour and need to brush up on my notes. I let my own ‘extracurriculars’ get in the way of Bruce Wayne’s real job. You’ll tell Lanie I said hello and that I’m looking forward to seeing her?”_

“Sure thing, old man.”

Bruce laughed over the phone, something light and not at all like the Bat, then ended the call.

He was still smiling when he sat back at his niche of a cramped desk and felt the numbers blur beneath his gritty eyes. He’d been pouring over their bills and what they’d saved together over the last two years, and it appeared that they had enough money to just make a down-payment and moving costs. If Bruce knew they were moving into a little two-bedroom out on the upper-east side, he’d probably have a conniption fit. But it wasn’t exactly his business.

It was what they could afford, and it was what they’d agreed upon. Not so far from Wayne manor, though forty minutes of traffic certainly felt far, and not any worse than the little over an hour to her parents. Everyone would be happy.

Jason wanted to do this on his own. Or rather, their own. He and Lanie might have had their plans sped up but he’d meant it when he’d told her he wanted the white picket fence with the kids and the dog and everything. He’d meant it. And he wanted to deliver.

“Jay?” Lanie’s voice drifted from the front door.

He jerked out of his messy thoughts and quickly shuffled all the papers and bills into a stack to be put away. He’d not told Lanie his plans yet and he was thinking it ought to be a surprise. Maybe for when they’d been told the sex of the baby or for—

“Jay? You here?”

“Yeah,” he called, stuffing the rest of it into the third drawer of the desk where he kept all the financial shit, then started for the kitchen. He could hear the sound of grocery bags crinkling and Lanie’s sneakers squeaking on the linoleum. He wondered briefly if they could find a house with tile instead.

“Still raining?”

She smiled over a bag with suspiciously green looking food sticking out the top, “Yes. It always rains in Gotham. Especially in the Spring.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“Food.”

“Lanie…” he said her name like a warning but they both knew he’d eat whatever she made him. Even if he hated it. But really, really, hated anything green.

“Yes?”

“Don’t tell me it’s a salad. Please God, don’t punish me with that. I was good today.”

“Were you?” she asked with a cheeky fucking grin that made his heart flip-flop in his chest.

“Yes,” he answered silkily, invading her space so he could push the grocery bag aside and nibble on her neck. She tasted like rain and honeysuckle body wash. “I did the bills. And the laundry. And I even put away that stack of clothes you’ve been stalling with for a week.”

“That’s, mmm—” she sighed into him, “Are you telling me all I have to do is threaten you with a salad, and uh—” she gasped a little when he bit her neck playfully, “And you’ll do all my chores?”

“No,” he laughed into her neck when she hooked her arms over his shoulders and started playing with hair. It made goosebumps shiver down his frame and a knot of want curl knowingly in his stomach. “Maybe. What’s the right answer?”

Lanie sighed, “Yes. Definitely yes.”

“Tell you what, how about I help you make dinner?” she lifted a brow and he pursed his lips, “How about I watch you make dinner and keep you company? And then, I neck with you on the couch. If you’re not feeling any morning sickness that is.”

“Deal. But first, dinner. We need to eat something.”

It wasn’t mentioned why exactly. They’d both been avoiding bringing up the pregnancy unless absolutely necessary.

Jason took a seat at the bar, getting out of her way as she wandered around the kitchen like a ballet dancer. She’d worn ankle jeans and a big-blow up sweater and she looked smaller than usual. Short and willowy and absurdly elf-like. Her color was a little on the pale side, but overall, she was looking less—depressingly small and weary—like she’d been on the bathroom floor the other night. It had been like getting punched in the gut, finding her like that.

He’d known she was struggling with the morning sickness and the exhaustion. And he’d even bought a book about pregnancy in a moment of terror and had started plugging his way through it, but still. It had been an entirely different experience witnessing firsthand how hard it was to be pregnant. And according to the book, it only got harder.

He dreaded the coming months and all it might offer.

She made spaghetti and kept the salad as a side. He ate a few bites of lettuce just to watch her eyes light up and a smirk grace her mouth. They sat on the couch, necked as he promised and got themselves too sweaty and bothered to leave it. It didn’t matter that it was cramped, and the springs jabbed at them, it was great.

Naked, sated, and dreamy, Jason let himself drift a little to the sound of Lanie humming some song she had stuck in her head as she traced stars into his shoulders. He didn’t mind when she lingered over the scars or kissed them. He didn’t even mind when she came to the J and carefully wrote over it with a heart and then kissed that too. Because Lanie’s touches only ever meant good things. And he’d gotten so used to them, he didn’t think he could ever live without them again. He was addicted to her.

“Your phone is vibrating.”

“Who is it?”

Lanie sighed, plucking at his jeans that were left in a pool of denim on the floor. “Says Bruce.”

“I just talked to him.”

“Maybe it’s urgent?” Lanie mused, sounding sleepy.

“No. He would call the other phone if it was. He just wants to pester me a little more about Friday.”

Lanie smiled against him, “I miss them.”

Jason couldn’t help but agree. Maybe he missed them a little too. Maybe he wanted to see Dick and Kori hanging off of each other and Damian getting into scraps every five seconds with Tim and Alfred giving them all his careful butlery frowns. He was looking forward to seeing them. But he wasn’t looking forward to what needed to happen.

“Lanie—we need to tell everyone.”

“Yes.”

Jason sat up enough to peer down into her hazel eyes. She didn’t look surprised at his comment nor did she look afraid. But he felt her unease and the tight ball of nerves like he could physically touch it.

“We’ll do it together. They’ll be happy. And we’ll tell your family too.” Lanie forced a tremulous smile and suddenly went watery. Jason’s stomach dropped. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Jay,” she laughed, confusing him as tears wet her face and twisted his stomach even tighter. “It’s just hormones and I can’t believe this is really happening. It’s just—it’s different than I thought it would be. Some ways good. Some ways—not so good.”

“I know.” And he did. He really, really did.

“We’re going to have a baby. We’re going to be parents.”

Jason wiped at her tears with his fingers and blew out a long breath. “Don’t I know it.”

         


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry for taking forever to upload this! Mom had surgery and then I was out of town. It's been hella crazy. Thanks for the patience.

            Friday rolled around about the same time that a torrential downpour opened like a mawing animal over the majority of the city. The local news stations claimed that a low- pressure storm had come to visit Gotham and would linger for a couple of days. Heavy winds and power outages were to be expected.

            Wayne Manor was no exception.

            By the time Lanie and Jason pulled into the driveway, it was bad enough they were soaked just in the short run from their car to the house. So, of course, Alfred greeted them at the door with towels and an offering of hot tea to be served in the study. Occasionally, the absurdity of having a butler on call with towels and tea would make Jason snicker.

            How far his life had come from being a street rat…

            “Dinner will be served in just under an hour.”

            “Thank you, Alfred,” Lanie said warmly, keeping her arm hooked in Jason’s elbow as they strode down the hall. Someone had started a fire in the study hearth, though it really wasn’t needed. The heavy rains managed to make everything feel wet, but not cold. Still, the fire added a lot to the ambiance, which was undoubtedly Alfred's idea. The majority of the Waynes were already draped like expensive pretty afghans on the furniture and they all turned with varying expressions of welcome as Jason and Lanie came in. It appeared they were the last arrive to the family dinner.

            His fault. He’d not been able to keep his hands to himself when Lanie had stripped for a shower. One thing led to another, and they were a few minutes late.

            Which wasn’t a big deal, considering Jason had never been keen on being told what to do. Even by something as simple as a watch. Still, he felt a little guilty for holding everyone up. Or maybe it was the faintly choking sensation of dread slithering around in his stomach, which had no place belonging there in the first place. This was a family dinner he’d actually been looking forward to. He’d missed his family, they’d missed him. When he and Lanie told everyone about the baby, everyone would be overjoyed.

            So, he had absolutely no business feeling like he was heading to an execution. It made no sense. It made him feel like an even crappier person for feeling that way in the first place.

              He should be ecstatic. He should be—fucking happy about it. He’d had his time to get over the idea. Now, he needed to buck up and get used to the idea of being a father.

            Even thinking the word sounded wrong and gut-wrenching.

            What if he screwed the kid up? What if he wasn’t any good at any of the family stuff he’d said he wanted? What if—

            “Lanie,” Bruce stood, a broad grin stretching his mouth, “gorgeous as always. How’ve you been?”

            Jason reluctantly let her go and moved in the direction of Dick and Kori who were seated like cuddling koalas in the love seat. Tim and Damian were standing by the fireplace and looked surprisingly friendly with one another. He wondered if Bruce had lectured them about getting along before everyone arrived.

            Jason would bet money on it. The old man was a creature of habit, even if the years were making him soft. He could still make grown men cry when given the opportunity. His children were no less immune.

            “We’ve been great. Busy.” Lanie spoke with such warmth it was easy to see the friendship she’d made with his adopted dad. Was he jealous that Bruce could wrap any woman, even Jason’s woman, around his finger? A little. But Jason tried not to be petty about it.

            Mostly.

            “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks.”

            It sounded faintly like an admonishment. But with Bruce laying on the charm, he could get away with bloody murder. And she didn’t look cowed by his subtle chiding. In fact, she looked all the more pleased for it. Jason could only shake his head in amazement.

            Pushing fifty and the man was still Casanova.

            Lanie smiled at Bruce, all soft and warm and glowy. He didn’t know when, but over the last weeks it had started to happen. One morning, Lanie just looked different. Despite the morning sickness, Lanie was damn near golden. He’d heard people call it a ‘pregnancy glow’ but chalked it up to myth. Till he’d witnessed it firsthand himself. Even wearing her ‘frumpy’ clothes because she felt ‘bloated and gross’—her words, NEVER his—she looked like she could walk off a runway. That was if they’d take a model who was a scant five foot two.

            God, he loved that about her. He loved how she only came up to his armpit. How she slept like a monkey and ended up with hair that looked like a bird’s nest. I loved her freckles. He loved counting them until his eyes blurred and then kissing them in patterns till they made constellations along her skin. He loved her laugh and how she snorted when something was _really_ funny to her. There were so many, many things to love. So many things over the last couple of years that Jason could fill pages and pages of books about her.

            As a mother, she was breathtaking. As the mother to _his_ child, Lanie was an outright menace to his heart.

            He’d never been more attracted to her. Or more frightened by that fact.

            He knew it didn’t make any sense, but Jason felt like wanting to bang the mother of his child every other minute was a little crude. Or wrong. There had to be a rule somewhere in some book about it. Though he hadn't found it. Yet.

            Jason hadn’t realized he’d spaced out until he blinked fuzzily and saw that Lanie was still talking with Bruce and the room was drowsy from the fireplace crackling dimly. A pretty scene for a family that was anything but traditional.  

            “We’ve been busy. And we’ve missed you,” she offered as consolation, though her eyes sparked with mirth. She leaned into Bruce to kiss him sweetly on the cheek, and Jason could swear he saw the old man preen. “And everyone else. I’m glad we could make it out tonight.”

            “Me too,” Jason agreed, aware that a few pairs of eyes had found him and were assessing. There was little, if anything, that was able to stay hidden from the Waynes. If they didn’t suspect he was sitting uncomfortably on a nugget of information, they would by the end of the night. And he’d be interrogated subtly until he spilled everything. It was how they were. All of them.

            “How’s married life?” Jason asked Dick and Kori, struggling to distract himself. He thought it was a fairly safe question. All things considered. They’d not talked about _when_ to bring up their little bit of news during the course of the evening. And he didn’t want to think about it now. Lanie would send him a sign.

             Or something.

            “Great,” Dick beamed, “Kori and I just decided on a house.”

            “Yeah? Anywhere I know?”

            “A few miles down the road actually.”

            “What?” Jason frowned, caught the flicker of movement at his side as Bruce turned to face them, cutting off his conversation with Lanie, “You’re moving back to Gotham?”

            “Yes,” Kori was all smiles, “We decided it would be better to be closer to family. Since we want to start our own.”

            A long gooey grin between the uber happy, over the top couple.

            Jason was suddenly feeling clammy and he had no idea, why the fuck that was. It made no sense. He wanted Dick and Kori closer, of course. And them starting a family and having babies of their own, was the natural progression of getting older. It was just what you did. When you were in love and an adult. It was natural.

            “Family,” Jason said stupidly, then looked away as Dick lifted a brow. It felt—ironic. And a little sadistic that fate would hand him fatherhood at the same time as threatening to dump being an uncle in his lap.

            This shouldn’t be such a big deal. This shouldn’t make him go into a blind panic. Why the fuck was he acting like a child? 

            “Yeah Jay. I thought you’d be happy. Bruce is over the moon to have us moving back. We just told him tonight.”

            “That explains the cheesy grins,” Jason tried for humor and watched Dick’s right eye twitch. A tell for irritation. He was on to Jason.

            “I heard that,” Bruce murmured, steering Lanie over to the fireplace with a hand on her back. The old man didn’t even look their way, officially proving he had a set of eyes and/or ears stashed in the back of his head.

            “I’m happy for you two. Really.”

            Jason tried to look as pleased as possible, but that twitch by Dick’s eye was still there and Jason knew it wasn’t over. Dick would know soon enough, as would everyone else.

            “Thanks,” Dick slapped him on the arm, “What about you and Lanie? I get the updates and sometimes you actually pick up your goddamn phone, but we haven’t talked enough. How’s the beat?”

            “It’s uh—the beat. I like it most days. Would be better if I wasn’t working nights.”

            “I bet. I remember doing all the shit shifts till about my third year.”

            “I’m surprised you remember the rest of us grunts, _detective_ ,” Jason rolled his eyes, “You’ll be low man on the seniority pole once you transfer back to Gotham.”

            “Yeah. But at least I’m a still a _detective_.”

            “Ouch detective Grayson. Don’t hurt our baby cop,” Tim sauntered over and looked like he might, _possibly,_ have eked out another inch of height in the last couple months. He was by far the shortest Wayne. But not for lack of enthusiastic wishing.

            “I don’t remember asking for your input, Replacement.”

            Tim’s answering grin was mild and just a touch sleepy. “Aw, did I embarrass you, Hood?”

            “Little shit,” Jason spat, though it was completely without venom. Somewhere over the last few years, he’d actually started to like Tim. He had no idea how. But they got along and occasionally even hung out.

            Damian wasn’t one to be left out, even if he’d never admit such. He stalked over to their little grouping with a grim frown tugging down the corners of his mouth and merely lifted a dark brow when Jason grabbed Tim’s head and tried to deliver a punishing noogie to the top of it. Bruce’s mini-me, was looking every bit of his sixteen years and then some. He’d shot up like tree.

            Neither Dick, nor Damian stepped in and stopped them when Tim suddenly woke up and delivered a vicious sucker punch to Jason’s stomach. All the air rushed out of Jason’s lungs and instead of letting go, he clamped down till Tim let loose a undignified squeal.

            The intercom crackled just as Dick stepped forward to intervene and just like old times, the squabble ended.

            _“Dinner is served.”_

            Tim pushed away from Jason, a nasty expression marking his red face and Jason didn’t even pretend to be sorry. The kid had it coming. Apparently, Bruce didn’t think so, because as they filed out of the room, Jason got a stinging slap to the back of his head to which, everyone snickered over.

            Just like old times.

            Seated in the dining room, since the kitchen table was too small, everyone started in on Alfred’s beef wellington like it was the last meal. Jason poked at the savory meat, sipped on his wine and made an effort at chatting up Damian who was looking a little sour around the edges. It would have been a nice meal and a nice evening spent with the family, just like countless other times.

            Except, Jason could _feel_ Lanie’s unease. Beneath the veneer and the smiles, he could see she was just as nervous about saying something.

            Still, about a half-hour after sitting when everyone had mostly cleaned their plates, Jason about had a heart attack on the spot when Lanie squeezed his hand once, hard enough to draw his gaze sharply to hers. It was exactly the sort of fucking ‘sign’ he knew was coming. But he still wasn’t ready.

            How did they go about doing this? Did it really need to be a formal thing? Or could they just drop a card in the mail and say, “Surprise! We’re having a baby.”

            “Jason and I have something we’d like to tell everyone.”

            The conversation about the Knight’s chances in the Superbowl puttered off abruptly. As did the one where Tim was explaining his four-year goals with WE. Every fucking pair of eyes went to he and Lanie and Jason suddenly felt very lightheaded.

            Lanie smiled tremulously at him, “Jason?”

            “I uh—we—” his mouth felt like someone had stuffed about a pound of cotton into it. _Fucking, fuck_. “We’re uh—” Jason’s eyes darted to Bruce as the man shifted in his seat, his brows pinched in what could only be described as worry and Jason was suddenly speaking in a rush, his words coming out too fast and scared. “We’re having a baby. And it’s, I mean he or she is, uh, due January thirty first. It’s going to be amazing and we’re very happy and we just wanted to tell everyone. So, uh, yeah.”

            There was a pause, far too lengthy and tight, and then Bruce was standing and coming around the table to hug him. Hug him hard.

            Jason didn’t realize his eyes were filling with tears till the old man squeezed him so hard the breath backed up in his lungs and he was _shaking_. He was vaguely aware of everyone else congratulating and Lanie, because he could hear it, just a hum over the buzzing in his ears.

            But he couldn’t pull away from Bruce if he wanted to.

            Seriously, the old man had a death grip on him and was murmuring something in his ear that Jason was having a hard time understanding. When he did finally register the words, Jason felt very small. He felt like the little kid from the alleyway who tried to steal Batman’s tires. He felt like the kid who broke the Ming vase by Alfred’s bedroom. He felt like the boy who’d gotten caught staying up too late with a book beneath his covers and a flashlight.

            “It’ll be alright, Jay. Everything is going to be fine.”

            How the fuck did the old man know that? And why the hell, did Bruce think he wasn’t happy about this? Had his face screamed he wasn’t?

            God, he hoped not. And if so, he hoped Lanie hadn’t seen it.

            By the time Bruce finally let go, the dining room was already flooded with conversation. It appeared that while Jason was melting down, everyone else was busy hyper-focusing on the mommy-to-be. Jason had never felt more relieved or thankful. Nobody else needed to know about how badly he was handling this. Bruce was enough.  

            Kori was gushing about baby names and nursery ideas and coming over to help Lanie after the baby came and—

            Jason blinked at his brothers and found _both_ Tim and Damian looking outright delighted. Damian’s frown was gone, and he was listening raptly to what Kori was saying, adding things like he knew what the hell he was talking about. Tim too, seemed enthralled by the idea of a baby in the family. He even said he could help watch the thing if Jason and Lanie wanted a night out.

            Dick was—smiling at them all. But not adding anything. No, he was too busy discreetly watching Bruce and him. He’d not missed it then. He’d not missed Jason about having a panic attack in front of everyone.

            “How about a celebratory cigar?” Bruce spoke quietly at his back, a reminder that he wasn’t alone, and Jason barely managed not to reach blindly for the old man’s hand. Anything to ground himself in the moment.

            Dick pushed back from the table and looked like he had to struggle to force his smile wider, “Absolutely. Come on Jay, let’s smoke the most expensive one in the box.”

            “Kay,” Jason mumbled, aware that Lanie looked worried but could do nothing about it. He was already being toted out of the room. Bruce on one side and Dick on the other. And he was in no position to argue. He felt like he’d just run a marathon.

             Once they got to the room Alfred fondly called the billiard room, quite literally used for smoking cigars, drinking scotch and playing pool, Bruce closed the doors and leaned back against them like he was as exhausted as Jason was.

            “Thanks,” Jason shrugged, “I uh, should have handled that better.”

            “No,” Dick smiled, but it was tinged with worry, “You did fine. This was a surprise pregnancy, I take it?”

            “How did you guess?” Jason said snottily. He didn’t have the energy to regret it. “I need a drink.”

            “Maybe that’s not a good idea right now Jay. Drinking won’t help—”

            “Dick, let the man have a drink,” Bruce interjected, and Jason merely snorted, eating up the distance between himself and the scotch bottles glinting wantonly in their tumblers. He didn’t need of either of their permission to have a goddamn drink. He was a grown-ass man. Even if he didn't feel particularly like one at present. He still was one.

            He poured himself a scotch, neat, and didn’t bother asking after Bruce or Dick. He needed a couple swallows of the burning liquid in his stomach before he faced them again. He needed a moment just to catch his breath and remind himself that he was happy. And everything was going to be fine. That the world as he knew it, was not going to implode.

            “Do you want to talk?”

            “Do I look like I want to talk, old man?” Jason snapped, whipping his head around to pin a glare on Bruce. It didn’t have the effect he wanted. Bruce didn’t move a muscle, didn’t even twitch. His cool gray gaze stayed calm and focused. Stayed neutral. “No, I don’t want to talk. Not really. It changes nothing.”

            “It’s alright to be upset.”

            “Sure. It’s perfectly fine to resent a child who’s done nothing wrong. It’s perfectly fine.”

            “Jay,” Dick said with enough upset in his voice to get Jason to look at him. To really look at him. “You told me a few years back that you didn’t know if you ever wanted kids. That you weren’t sure you even wanted to be a father.”

            “Yeah,” Jason swallowed down another burning mouthful of scotch then blinked as tears clouded his vision. It just pissed him off worse, “I said that. A long time ago. It doesn’t fucking matter now.”

            “It’s OK to be upset. It doesn’t make you any less of a good person.”

            “A good person?” Jason snarled, half-tempted to throw his glass on the ground in a fit of rage like a three-year old. “You both know I’m not a good fucking person. Jesus Christ, Dick.”

            “Being afraid of fatherhood doesn’t make you weak,” Bruce spoke now and it made Jason’s throat want to snap closed. It made those tears perilously close to falling.

            “It sure feels like it does.”

            “You’re wrong.”

            “You always wanted kids, how would you know?”

            Bruce laughed but it was entirely without humor. “That’s not true. I never wanted kids. I thought I’d ruin them. Then Dick happened. I didn’t ask for it, not really. Everything just sort of fell into place and then I was a father. I didn't go looking for it. Of course, Dick was older already. He wasn't a baby. So were you and Tim. Damian,” Bruce swallowed thickly, “I never wanted to be a father like that. I was so shocked by him, I did all the wrong things at first. I panicked.”

            “Wish I’d been there to see it.”

            Dick snorted, “No, you don’t. He was a royal prick to be around.”

            Jason scrubbed a hand through his hair, making it stand up on end, “This is different.”

            “Yes,” Bruce agreed easily.

            “I love Lanie.”

            “Yes.”

            “I wanted a family with her. Maybe. I wasn’t sure yet. I mean, I needed more time. I was only just getting ready to ask her—” Jason’s stomach did a slow uncomfortable roll, “to ask her to marry me. And then this? My God, this threw me.”

            “It would anyone.”

            Dick sighed, “Especially you, Jay. You’ve had to overcome a lot to be here like this. Even being with Lanie like you are is a bit of a miracle. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

            “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

            Bruce’s frown was strained, “Lanie loves you. She would do anything for you. You’re not going to fuck it up by being yourself. She knows who you are and what you come from. Give it time.”

            “What if—what if even after the baby comes, I still feel like this? What if it never goes away?”

            “You will always be afraid of screwing your kids up. That’s called being a parent,” Bruce said with such a long-suffering expression that Jason laughed. It loosened a bit of the knot in his chest.

            “I want—”

            _“Master Bruce, I have just received a threat level red from Arkham Asylum. There’s been a breakout.”_

Any trace of the man Jason had been speaking to only seconds previous vanished. Bruce became the bat even without the mask and his eyes went frostbitten cold as they darted to the intercom system.

            “How many have escaped, Alfred?”

            _“It is undetermined. The numbers are just rolling in. But they’ve sent a city-wide warning and the police department has turned on the signal. Gordon will be calling shortly.”_

Jason sighed, “I brought the Hood’s gear. I can load up as soon as I talk to Lanie. Sounds like you’ll need me.”

            _“Master Bruce, perhaps it would be best if I spoke with you in private.”_

“Why?” Jason tipped his head at the intercom as just the hint of something like trepidation trickled down to his toes. “What can’t you say in front of us?”

            _“It is a sensitive topic Master Jason. I will need to speak with Master Bruce in private first.”_

            “Alright Alfred. Give me a moment. Go speak with Lanie and Kori. Be ready to go in ten, unless I say otherwise.”

            Bruce strode out the door at a fast clip and Jason turned to Dick.

            “What the hell was that?”

           


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any errors in this. I wanted to get it uploaded for you guys as quick as possible. Thanks always for your patience.

           The night was as long as it was bloody.

            Jason had a throbbing ankle, a gash to his side, and a killer headache to show for it.

            A total of thirty-eight of Gotham’s criminally insane were rounded up off the streets, from the narrows all the way to Northside Park, and were returned to the black iron gates of Arkham. It took until midmorning and Jason could feel himself flagging like he knew the other Bats must be. He could feel the physical exhaust clinging to his sluggish moves as he zip-tied just one more crazy and called it in to Gordon’s crew for pickup.

            He’d been mostly working alone, but at some point in the last hour, Nightwing had been tailing him and had helped with the last few. Jason was fucking ready to call it a night.  

           “You alright, Hood?”

            Nightwing landed at his back, the thud of rubber soles soft on mushy grass. It was more mud than green in the little excuse for a park and Jason wondered if any kids actually made use of it. Sure, there was a slide and a set of monkey bars. But that was it. Even the wood chips were in desperate need of replenishment. It reminded him of the parks he grew up with. Not really parks, but more meeting places for selling drugs or getting laid. The kind his mother used to be a pro at finding.

            “Yeah. This should be the last of them. Lucky number thirty-eight,” Jason dug the toe of his boot into the perp’s back and smiled a little when the guy groaned.

            God, it felt good to be a shithead to someone who deserved it.

            “No,” Nightwing shook his head, “Batman just called it in. A total of thirty-nine. We’ve still got one missing.”

            “I didn’t hear that. When?”

            “A few minutes ago.”

            Jason didn’t have to imagine the little thrill of unease that trickled down his legs into his feet. Because it was there, and it was strong. But the Bat would have told him. The Bat would have warned him, if there was a problem. If a certain prisoner had escaped and was still missing.

            Because that would be ridiculous not to say something. Wouldn’t it? Fuck yeah, it would.

            “Who? Do I know him?”

            He couldn’t help that his voice sounded thin and suspicious. Something was suddenly off about the way his brother was standing. About the way his hips were cocked and his hands fisted, like he was ready for an attack. And not from a perp. But from _him._ From Jason.

            Like Jason was going to snap and hit him.

            Sunlight struggled to rise through the heavy cloud-cover and made everything look murky gray. Nightwing looked especially foreboding in the lighting and Jason wondered if he too, looked like some sort of haunted shadow, glowering down at his victims.

            “Yes. You know him.”

            He might as well have said the name. He might as well have said Joker was missing and they didn’t know where he was and—

            Jason stiffened, each muscle separately snapping into steel from his ankles to his neck until he sucked in a half-panicked, half-furious breath and whirled away.

            Darkness clamped over him. Memories, forbidden and stashed behind barriers he’d worked so fucking hard to make, eked out. Jason went from weary and blasé, to alert and prepared to do battle. Fight or flight. His body reacted like the Joker was standing at his back. Like Joker was right fucking there, ready to hurt and maim and—

            Oh god, oh god, oh god.

_Did you think I would go away, little bird? Did you think that it was over for me, just because it was over for you? Never. Never, never._

“Hood—”

            The voice was underwater, in echoing stereo, and he couldn’t make his mind clear.

            Bruce would never have—God yeah, he would. He’d think he was protecting Jason. In reality, he’d just fucking blind-sided him.

            Jason jerked hard when a hand found his shoulder, but he didn’t turn. He was trying to steady his breathing. Trying to make his thoughts slow down, way down. But they were fast and there was a laugh, and it had been so fucking _long_ since he’d heard that laugh and had felt it in his ear.

            He was going to be sick. He was going to throw up.

            _Who do you think I should visit first, hmmm? I know a pretty girl with lots of freckles that seems like she could use a smile, don’t you think?_

            Jason was gone before Nightwing could react, before anyone could stop him. Not that Dick would, because he had fucking eyes and knew what was happening. Still, Jason was peripherally relieved that no one stopped him. That no one came.

            He ran.

            He ran blindly through Gotham, in broad-fucking daylight, with only one thought in his mind. He had to find Lanie. He had to make sure she was safe. And the baby. He had to protect the baby.

            Joker couldn’t find them. He couldn’t have them. Jason couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let Joker have them. No, no, he wouldn’t. Joker wouldn’t win. Not again. Never again.

           

            Lanie got the call about five minutes before the local news exploded with it.

            Joker had escaped Arkham. After one of the longest stints of his incarceration, he’d managed a spectacular escape by releasing dozens of other inmates at once and then disappearing into the night in the crush. Not even the Bat had managed to capture him.

            Bruce called to explain the situation and he sounded so unlike himself it made gooseflesh prickle Lanie’s skin painfully. She listened carefully. She understood the words and tried to make her brain stay focused and on task, but all she could think about was Jay and what he might be thinking or feeling. All she could think about was where he’d gone.

            Bruce said Jay had run. He didn’t know where. He didn’t want to make matters worse. He asked Lanie to help him locate the Hood before he got himself into trouble. Before he did something stupid.

            “I understand.”

            _“Do you know where he might have gone?”_

            “I have a few ideas.”

            _“I’m sending Dick to you now. He’ll drive you wherever you need to go. He’ll help. I can’t—I can’t leave right now. With Joker on the loose, I have to keep looking.”_

            For Jay. She understood, loud and clear. No one would rest. The frenzy of searching would go on until they either found the Joker or became too exhausted to continue and were forced to break. She appreciated it more than she could say. She loved him for it.

            “Thank you.”

            _“I’m sorry Lanie.”_

            “It’s not your fault.”

            Bruce’s silence screamed that he thought it was. But he said nothing. He merely hung up after a stilted breath and left Lanie staring at Jay’s old bedroom walls. She’d passed out upstairs after Alfred had none too gently forced her to rest and she had been woken by her cellphone hollowly breaking the morning’s filmy silence. It would have been a soft morning. Gentle around the edges because of the gray and the fog, but now it just felt ugly. It felt dirty.

            Swallowing thickly, Lanie forced her numb legs over the edge of the bed and made herself move. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and pushed her feet into her cold boots. She didn’t bother brushing her teeth or eating anything. She was too nauseas anyways. She was far too on edge to contemplate putting anything into her tender stomach. Even if it would be for the baby.

            Dick came twenty minutes later, wearing civilian clothes and a haggard smile. He looked worse than she felt, and they shared a quick hug that made her eyes sting. It felt like someone had died. It felt awful.

            Lanie wasn’t sure if her instincts were correct, but she had Dick drive to their apartment first. The drive took forever. She picked at her cuticles, fiddled with the radio and chewed her lips till they were raw. By the time they pulled into the parking garage and made their way up to the correct floor, Lanie was ready to scream. 

            The front door was left cracked open.

            “Wait,” Dick’s breath ghosted past her ear and she froze, a deer in the headlights when she saw him withdraw a gun from his belt like it was the most natural thing in the world. She’d seen Dick wear his police issue weapon. She’d seen him in the Nightwing persona, the one that made criminals tremble in fear. But it was different being this close and knowing how lethal he was. How lethal they all were. It was so very different seeing the common quiet of her regular life clash with the out-of-the ordinary and violent nature of the Bats. It was—enlightening. Terrifying.

            And it made all too much sense why she had to wait. Joker could have already found them. Joker could be inside.

            Lanie’s blood turned to ice and she started to shake. She’d never felt this kind of fear before. And she didn’t like it. She didn’t like it at all.

            Dick slipped into the apartment first, his motions practiced and clean. He crept through the entryway, past the living room and did a quick scan of the kitchen. Once he cleared the bathroom, he moved to the bedroom and then froze.

            Lanie’s stomach dropped roughly to her toes and she pressed a hand to her navel, willing herself to keep the acid down.

            “Jason,” Dick’s voice sounded tight, worried. And Lanie rushed forward.

            Relief mixed with the fear and Lanie didn’t realize she was crying until everything blurred and she almost plowed into the doorframe in her hurry to get inside and see Jay with her own two eyes.

            He was sitting on the edge of their bed. His mask was off, beside him, empty and staring. His head was down, and she could see he was trembling and slicked with sweat. Dripping with it. He didn’t appear to notice he was no longer alone. He didn’t look like he was there at all. He’d withdrawn somewhere deep and ugly and off-limits.

            “Jay, baby,” she whispered, reaching forward to touch, even though a part of her was scared of what that might do. They’d gone through a few panic attacks and flashbacks together. But she’d never seen him like this. He was catatonic.

            She brushed a hand through his hair. No reaction. She gripped the sides of his face and his skin was so cold it burned her. He didn’t move. He just kept breathing in quick staccato breaths, his pupils blown and staring at a spot on the floor, his body rigid and non-compliant.

            “Jay,” Lanie tried again, edging in front of him, forcing herself between his knees. She struggled to make his chin go up, to make his unseeing eyes line up with her own, but once she did, it was like she’d broken him. Like she’d struck him across the face.

            He jolted hard enough to startle them both.

            “Lanie,” he whispered, his eyes widening, his mouth opening as he gasped down big gulps of air, “Lanie, you’re OK. You’re safe. You’re safe.”

            “Yes. I’m OK, Jay. I’m here.”

            He didn’t look like he’d heard her. His eyes were still frighteningly vacant. His grip was suddenly too hard on her sides as he crushed her against him, as he pressed her hard into his chest and started to rock back and forth.

            “He doesn’t have you. Safe. Safe. Safe.”       

            “Yes,” Lanie struggled getting the words out past his inhuman clutch, and just let him work through the majority of the panic.

            He said the same lines over and over. He clung too hard. He bruised her arms. It was alright though because Lanie didn’t care. She wasn’t going to shatter. And he needed this. She could feel it in the marrow of her bones how much he needed to hold, and to feel, and see that everything he cared about was safe. That their family unit, the _three_ of them, were OK.

            When Jay’s grip on her loosened enough for her to step back, Lanie could see in his eyes that he was back. That he was in the moment again and not in the past. But just barely. He looked weak and afraid and very close to slipping back inside himself.

            “Jay.”

            His eyes were dark, so dark they looked black instead of green, but they tracked her. They _saw_ her. “Yes.”

             “Jaybird,” Dick spoke roughly at her back and she startled, having completely forgotten about his presence. “I need you to pack a bag. Both of you. We need you to stay in the manor.”

            Lanie opened her mouth to say ask why, but then stopped. Of course. The manor was the safest place in Gotham. It hadn’t occurred to her that they would need to give up their home because of this. That they had no timeline of how long Joker’s escape would mess up their lives.

            But it made sense. It was the right thing to do.

            Jay nodded, seemingly unbothered by the idea as he moved around Lanie, looking for a duffel. They packed two bags, stuffing clothes and toiletries and for Lanie, a few comfort items away, and then silently left.

            There was a part of Lanie that was terrified they’d never see the inside of that little apartment again. A place she’d fallen in love with Jay and had shared countless memories in. Those four walls held secrets, and laughter, and an intimacy that had been hard earned. Their little life, the one they’d spent the last two years building, felt like it was straining at the seams. And that scared her. It scared her so much more than having a baby with Jay ever could have.

            And to think, the baby had been her biggest fear only a few hours ago. How easily the priorities in life were rearranged.

            Jay held her hand in the car but said nothing the whole of their drive to the manor. He was still painfully pale and looked oddly unemotional. As if he’d been hollowed out and there was nothing left. Lanie tried not to let herself worry about that. She tried not to let the hard edge of panic shift under her skin when she thought of how far this had set them back. When she thought of how Jay may never be the same if Joker didn’t get caught. How she might never be the same if she was constantly looking over her shoulder too.

            Dick helped them up to Jay’s room and left them at the door.

            Lanie didn’t try to make conversation with Jay as they unpacked their bags and arranged tooth brushes in the bathroom.

            She helped Jay into the shower, peeling off leather and armor that was caked in blood and sweat. She’d done it before. It wasn’t what made her breath catch in her throat or her heart skip around painfully in her chest. It was when she got him down to skin and he made a broken sound in the back of his throat and it shredded her insides.

            It was when he sobbed into her neck and clutched at her hair and pressed wet salty kisses all over her face that it all got to her. Suddenly, their world narrowed down to skin on skin and the three heartbeats that meant they were all alive and safe in that warm, steamy, bathroom.

            Lanie’s old feelings of hatred and anger towards the Joker from years before returned. Her struggle with wanting him dead felt so big, so ugly, that it threatened to choke out the love she had for the man who traced the veins in her skin. Who draped himself over her like a human shield even in the confines of the shower as the water beat down on their skin.

            Lanie had to shut her eyes and breathe. She had to will herself to not feel the rage and instead focus on the feel of Jay’s skin, slippery and warm on her own. Of his breath, ragged but real and good in her ear. Of his heart, racing beneath a chest that was littered in scars, but very much alive. She had to focus on the good. Or the darkness would eat her alive.

 

            Jason woke to the smell of Lanie’s shampoo and ticklish hair on his nose. He shifted in the bed that felt a little bigger than it ought to and stilled when his hazy vision snagged on the ceiling that was far taller than it should have been.

            Not the apartment. Not home.

            The manor.

            Like being party to a train-wreck, Jason struggled through the memory recall that had brought him to this bed with Lanie draped over him and he felt the sickness return. The wretched sickness and the heady drunken combination of fear and rage seep into his bones.

            It was different this time. Different on so many levels.

            This time, it wasn’t just him. It was Lanie and their baby. It was more.

            He wasn’t just afraid. He was furious. He was—frighteningly murderous. He was back to what he was years ago, on the edge of spilling blood as quickly and as violently as possible. And that was both a comfort and a hard slap of cold to his middle. He didn’t want that. He yet, he very much did.

            Jason didn’t know what he wanted.

            But he knew he never wanted to fall apart like he did the day before. He never wanted to feel that helpless and frightened and sick again. He never wanted to come home and see an empty apartment and feel like he wanted to die. Like he was going to die because Joker had Lanie and his whole world was shredding down the middle.

            He knew what he didn’t want. He knew that much.

            Jason stroked both hands down Lanie’s back and felt the nubs of her spine beneath his fingertips. Fragile, human, beautiful. She arched a little beneath his touch and he pressed a kiss to her head that was as natural as breathing. She’d been there for him. Again. It felt wrong that she was always having to support him. That she was always the one to be the rock in their relationship, but he couldn’t be ungrateful. He couldn’t be upset. She’d drawn him out of the terror and had stayed. She always stayed.

            She remained.

It was why he loved her with everything in him. It was why Jason could never, ever repay her for loving him the way he needed. The way he would always need.

            “Jay?”

            “Shhh,” he murmured, “Go back to sleep.”

            “M’kay.”

            She wasn’t awake enough to stop him. And she really did need sleep. Jason extricated himself from the heat of her skin and carefully dressed in sweats and thick socks. Then he padded out of the bedroom and headed down the stairs.

            He had no idea what time it was. He had no idea even what day it was. From the moment he’d realized that Joker was on the loose, everything had stopped and gone eerily timeless. Jason had slipped into some weird fugue state and he was only just now coming back to himself.

            He fucking hated how much power that gave the Joker over him. How it made him feel small and thirteen again.

            Jason found Bruce and Dick in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking solemnly out the windows to the gardens. Which meant it was at least morning. It meant he wasn’t entirely off in his assumptions that not too much time had passed since he’d slipped out of it.

            It also meant Joker was still on the loose. And at the moment, everyone was pausing to take a breath. The nightmare, was unfortunately, not over.

            Both men stared at him when he entered the kitchen but neither spoke. He appreciated it more than he could say. No one would be rushing to hold his hand or pat his back. That would only make him feel worse. It would only make him feel more out of control. And if anything, he needed his control back. He needed to feel like he had a handle on _something_.

            So, Jason made his coffee, with extra sugar to spike his brain awake, then he took the seat opposite Bruce and beside Dick and said nothing for a solid ten minutes. Everyone drank their coffee and pretended like nothing was wrong. They pretended like it was all fucking peachy and it made Jason want to laugh.

            “I’m not going to fall apart.”

            “No,” Bruce said softly, not looking in his direction. “You won’t.”

            “I need a progress report.”

            Dick sighed, Bruce shifted, but eventually they both silently seemed to agree with Jason’s assessment of the situation and what was needed because the Bat seemed to click into place on Bruce’s face. And then he was talking. Strong, lazy words. Complete ease and absolutely zero emotion.

            Jason hadn’t realized how much he needed that until Bruce gave it. And he was immensely thankful for it.

            “At 1800 hours there was a mass power outage in Arkham. The back-up generators are timed to go on for this sort of event almost instantaneously. They did not. Cell block D was reported as having gone completely dark. Radio silence. Thirty-nine out of the fifty three inmates in that block went missing and Arkham went on red alert by 1930.”

            “Why did it take so long to alert the police?”

            Bruce shrugged a shoulder, “Arkham said the power outage was brief and it came back online within a few minutes. It took them almost an hour to get done cataloging inmates.”       

            “Not exactly going to win awards in efficiency.”

            “No,” Dick murmured, wrapping both hands around his mug compulsively.  

            Jason already knew the answer, but he also still needed to know. It would help to understand the whole picture. To try and look at all clinically.

            “And you were made aware about Joker being one of the missing inmates, when?”

            Bruce’s eyes, a pale gray this morning, shifted to him and held, “Right away.”

            “When Alfred wanted to speak with you alone.”

            “Yes.”

            Jason nodded, but his coffee felt like it wanted to curdle in his stomach. He took a breath, held it, counted to ten, then let it out. “Alright. I get it.”

            “I should have told you.”

            “No. I wouldn’t have been any help if you had. And you needed all of us.”

            “I—”

            Jason shook his head, “No, B. You did the right thing. I’m not exactly happy about it. But it was the right thing. Gotham was in danger. A lot more people than me needed to be thought about.”

            Bruce looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead he settled on a weary sigh. “I’m still sorry Jason. I wish this hadn’t happened.”

            “It was bound to. And you know it. This was the longest Joker has stayed behind bars in a long time. I should be happy it took this long for him to escape.”

            “We’ll protect you.”

            “What? I can’t protect myself?” the words were out before Jason could actually think them through. And if he did, it would make him more angry. Because in reality, he couldn’t protect himself and they all knew it. If Joker showed up, Jason was more likely to curl into a ball and start wailing then he was to handcuff him. It would end bloody. Either Joker would kill Jason, or Jason would finish the job he’d started years ago and kill him.

            The thought, was an enticing one. One that made his blood run cold and his toes curl in his socks. And not in a good way.

            “We work together Jason. Especially on this one.”

            “Right,” Jason nodded, struggling to get his mind off the blood suddenly roaring in his ears. “We work together.”

            Still, Jason pictured slicing the Joker’s throat and letting the blood run over his bare fingers. He pictured it all ending, like he hadn’t in too long to remember. Finally, having some semblance of permanent peace, and it made him want it more.  


	4. Chapter 4

            Lanie spent the weekend hibernating in the manor. She kept indoors, powered through assignments that were due Monday and stayed in sweats.

            Alfred brought up snacks upon her request and Lanie allowed herself to subsist on iced tea, kale chips, and peanuts the whole of the weekend. She hadn’t started to have any cravings in particular, yet, but she’d had plenty of aversions. So, her diet had been limited. There were no interruptions. The manor was silent and Lanie was primarily left to her own care. Which was a blessing. Really. It was.

            She got all of her work done. Organized and cleaned Jay’s, now _their_ bedroom, and even had the opportunity to take a luxurious bath that included an organic strawberry cheesecake bath bomb she’d been wanting to try. She painted her toenails bubblegum pink and her fingers smoky onyx. Lanie forced herself to enjoy the quiet. She forced her mind to slow down and empty entirely.

            By the time Sunday evening rolled around, she’d decided that some meditation and reflection was in order.

            Despite all the relaxing and the progress, she wasn’t feeling very centered or de-stressed. She was feeling antsy and anxious and uncomfortable.

            Lanie hadn’t seen Jay in the last twenty-four hours. He’d had a shift at work, then at some point he’d returned to the manor and gone deep into Bat mode. He was working. He was looking. Just like everyone else. But she’d not seen him.  

            They were all doing what they could to correct the problem. Which was a good thing. But it also meant Lanie was alone. And had spent a great deal of time with only her thoughts as company. There was a part of her that wanted to march downstairs and use that secret entrance Jay had shown her to get in on the action. She wanted to know what was going on and how things were progressing. Sitting on the sidelines was a frustration she’d never been that great at.

            But then again, she _didn’t_ want to know. Knowing would mean allowing the worry back inside. It would mean thinking about a madman on the loose who had a vested interested in Jay. It would mean facing the fact that this threat, might never be removed. At least, not entirely.

            Lanie breathed in deeply through her nose, then out through her mouth and muscled the negative thoughts and emotions away from herself. She’d gotten good at using meditation to slow things down till they were manageable over the years. And this was no different.

            She could manage. She could control it by removing it to some degree from her mind. In the here and now, she was sitting in a warm bedroom, cross legged and loose. Her muscles felt languid. Her heart was a steady thrumming cadence that softened the sounds of her lungs taking in oxygen. Lanie could smell the candles she’d lit, and she smiled softly, listening to the crackle of their wood wicks breaking the absolute stillness in the air.

            It was peaceful here. In this bedroom. In the space she and Jay had spent many nights before. It was their space. Just as much as their apartment there was and nothing that could take that from them. Not Joker. Not a surprise pregnancy. Not anything.

            Safe. Warm. Peace.

            Lanie soaked it all in then let it all out until she felt boneless and empty in the way she most enjoyed. It was something of a relief to realize she could still do this. That despite the current problems, Lanie’s old tricks and habits were as beneficial as they’d always been.

            She was so relaxed by the time she heard Jay coming down the hall, Lanie didn’t move off the mat she’d perched. She almost didn’t even open her eyes. He came in with a weary smile, looking sweaty and rumpled. Looking like Jay.

            “Hey,” she offered quietly, staying put, allowing herself a good long look at the man she loved. He remained in the doorway for a breath, like he was letting her get her fill, then moved slowly. Like a man with bruises and aches that ran deep. She imagined he was sore.

            He peeled off the long sleeve thermal she’d come to associate with his more reclusive work as the Hood then paused to press a chaste kiss to her forehead. It was a sweet gesture, if not absent. Barefoot, he stepped around her and started shucking the thermal leggings. He didn’t say anything. There was no greeting other than the kiss but Lanie didn’t feel the worry she might have as he disappeared in the bathroom and she heard the shower kick on.

            Jay became quiet when his mind was full. He turned inwards as most do and so it wasn’t anything new to see his eyes distant after a shift or a night out swinging over rooftops. He was still working. He’d not disengaged yet. And that was familiar. Comforting even, to Lanie.

            Since the night he’d cried into her shoulder and she’d held him tighter than she’d ever before, Lanie had been silently doing her best not to hover. Not to worry over his actions or his well-being, though she desperately wanted to. Seeing Jay act as he always had, was something that reminded her he was stronger than he’d ever been.

            This had thrown him. Joker’s escape had surprised him and frightened him. And it still would. But it wouldn’t defeat him. Because he was stronger every day. Because he was _her_ Jay and this time when he faced the Joker, he wouldn’t be alone.   

            Sighing, Lanie rolled up her yoga mat and then slipped into a favorite holey t-shirt Jay had given her after enough begging had taken place. There were holes alone the neckline and one very big one in the armpit. But she loved the shirt. And occasionally, she made Jay wear it again, so it could be re-scented with his smell. He’d laugh at her about it. But she knew he found it endearing and cute.

            Climbing into bed, Lanie started to drift off before Jay finally joined her. When he did, she could tell that he’d shut the working part of his brain off and was _with_ her again. His hands were warm as they skated over her cheeks and drew her face to his. For a moment, he just pressed inwards and sighed into her, forehead to forehead. They breathed together, one long grounding breath and Lanie liked to imagine even their heartbeats like to synch up when they returned to one another. Corny? Absolutely. Fabulously true, yes. Yes, it was.

            Lanie was a romantic at heart. Unapologetically.

            “I missed you.” He finally kissed her, lips warm and tasting faintly of their tooth paste.

            “Me too.”

            He sighed, rolling over onto his back, throwing an arm over his head as he drew her closer to his chest. Lanie happily sprawled on top of him, nosing her way into her favorite place in the hollow of his throat.

            “Any progress?” it felt a little off-limits to ask. But Lanie couldn’t seem to stop herself. She wanted to know. She _had_ to know.

            “No.”

            “No one has seen him.”

            Jay shifted, one big hand dropping to the small of her back to press circles into her spine. It took everything in her not to groan at how good it felt. “I’m sorry Jay.”

            “We’ll get him.”

            “Eventually.” Lanie blew out a frustrated breath and clutched him tighter, “How was work? Are you still partnered with Haggarty?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Is he still just as grouchy?”

            Jason snorted, “More so. We got detailed to run an event over the weekend and spent a crap ton of time fucking pumping out parking tickets. He bitched about it almost the entire shift.”

            “Well,” Lanie smiled into his chest, secretly liking that his shift had been uneventful. He could use the break right now. “Someone has to do it, right?”

            “Yeah. Someone does.”

            They fell quiet again. Enjoying the other’s warmth and the feeling of laziness. There was no rush or time limit. Nothing stopping them from drifting off to sleep or staying up to sneak cookies out of Alfred’s not so secret stash. It felt good to steal the moment and just relax, regardless of what else was going on.

            “How are you feeling?”

            Lanie shifted, “Good. Nausea was a little better. I ate today. Which was a win. And, I snuck in a pretty damn good nap after lunch.”

            “Meditating too, I noticed.”

            She grinned, “Of course. It’s good stuff. You could join me anytime you want to.”

            Jay chuckled, pressing a kiss to her hair, “Sweetheart, you ain’t never gonna get me sitting on that mat with you. Stop trying.”

            “You never know. It could do wonders for your anxiety.”

            “I’ve got it covered.”

            “Kay. But I’m just sayin’—”

            Jay shook his head, “Shhh. Or I’ll have no choice but to beat you.”

            Lanie pushed up to her elbows and lifted a mocking brow, “Beat me? Really? I’d like to see you try.”

            “I’m bigger.”

            She shrugged, “And stronger. But I’m faster. And sneaky. I could take you. In fact,” she tapped his nose with a finger, “I have taken you. And won.”

            Jay’s eyes darkened as they flickered over the t-shirt she was wearing, his pupils expanding. He did like it when she stole his clothes. “Bedroom activities aside…I’d still kick your ass. And like it too.”

            Lanie considered him a moment then sniffed, “Then why don’t you teach me your moves, oh brave ninja. Then I won’t be so easily beaten.”

             “Teach you?” any trace of heat in Jay’s expression went blank and Lanie almost, almost regretted mentioning it so casually. She’d been thinking about it. More than she’d let on. But in the end, it would make them both feel better.

            Lanie needed to know how to defend herself. Training her with some of the basics only seemed like a natural step in that process.

            And if some of her reasoning was because Joker was now loose, then only she needed to know that. Though she was certain Jay was all too aware of it.

            “Yes. Just a few things. Enough to protect myself.”

            “You won’t need to protect yourself.”

            “Jay—” she sat up all the way and started fidgeting with a corner of the ratty t-shirt she’d donned. There was another new hole in it. “It would be good for me.”

            “We’ll protect you. I’ll protect you. Always, Lanie.”

            “Yes. But it would make me feel better to know a few things. It would be good for me to have that.”

            Jay watched her for a long moment, then sighed, “Maybe. A couple self-defense strategies.”

            “Exactly.”

            “But I don’t want you overdoing it. And I don’t want any actual sparring. Especially with the baby.”

            “Of course not.”

            “I could teach you,” he pursed his lips, “but I’ll talk to Bruce. He’s the best teacher I know.”

            Lanie shrugged, “Whomever. I don’t care. I know you’re all more than qualified. I just want to have a few skills in my tool belt. Just because.”

            _Because of **him.**_

            It was as if she’d not even needed to voice it. Because Jay heard the unspoken just fine.

            Green eyes flickered to hazel and held just a tad too long. 

            Joker—between them, around them, threatening from the inside out. It was more than a little intimidating. It was frightening.

           Jay ended the worried look by tugging her back down on top of him. It was the signal that meant he was through discussing things serious matters. She didn’t mind. Lanie didn’t want to think about it any longer either. She’d obsessed enough for a lifetime.

            Jay was warm and clean, skin slightly damp from his shower. He smelled like his woodland body wash, which screamed yummy. And with the way she was feeling tonight, she could use a nightcap of Jay. She could use a dose of good and a whole lot of gooey. 

            “Hey Jay?” Lanie mused, running her fingers up and down his ribs.

            “Hmmm.”

            “Do you think you have another t-shirt you’d be willing to sacrifice for me? This one is getting pretty bad.”

            Jay hooked a finger through the neckline and rumbled out a laugh. It sounded like thunder beneath her ear and sent goosebumps down to her toes.  

            “Ya think?”

            “Maybe it’s time.”

            “Maybe,” he tugged on the shirt, bringing her mouth up to his where he could kiss the breath out of her. When he paused to nibble at her jaw and then her neck, Lanie had gone limp on his chest. “But I like this shirt.” 

            “Yeah?” Lanie breathed, struggling a little to control her response to him. Jay was a thing of beauty when he decided he wanted something. And he was making his intent clear in the best way possible.

            “Mhm.”

            “It’s a little—chilly.”

            Jay ran a hand down her back and found another hole over her butt to squeeze pointedly into. “But it’s got some perks.”

            Lanie snorted with laughter, squirming a little when he tickled her through the hole of fabric. “Perks?”

            Jay gave a sturdy jerk, and the shirt tore clean up the back.

            “Yup. Perks.”

            Lanie wasn’t all that mad about it.

 

 

 

            **_No Sign Of The Joker : Gotham Times Weekly_**

**** **_April 4, 2014_ **

 

            Jason stared down at the newspaper in his hands, forcing his fingers not to contract on the black and white print. Two weeks. Two fucking weeks and they’d run their leads to the ground. There was nothing else. There were no more witnesses or bunny trails to chase.

            They’d ‘interviewed’, bullied, and bribed their way through a stack of known associates. All of which didn’t appear to know a thing about the Joker’s escape plans or where he might be stashed away. There had been no sightings of the clown. No crimes in relation to his usual MO. Nothing.

            Jason was on the verge of snapping.

            He’d not been sleeping. And what little sleep he’d gleaned had been rife with nightmares that he’d not had in ages. The moment the Joker got loose it had been like he’d slung shot back to year one. Back to when he’d hardly been functional. He was working sure, but it was in a fog, his mind a hamster wheel on casefile after casefile of information that lead to nowhere. That lead to nothing.

            Even Haggarty had said something, with his usual brusque garble. He’d asked if Jason had something else going on at home. If Lanie and the baby were alright. Of course, they were. That wasn’t the problem and he’d told the old coot as much. But he knew he looked like crap. Jason knew he’d added about ten years to his face from stress alone and that pissed him off.

            It infuriated him.

            He wasn’t supposed to still be doing this. He was supposed to have moved on. Jason was supposed to be living happily the fuck after with Lanie and their little bean. That was the goal. That _had_ been happening. Until two weeks ago.

            “I thought you said you were going to sleep in.”

            Jason looked up, saw Tim eyeing him from the kitchen doorway then shrugged both shoulders. “I couldn’t sleep. What’s your excuse?”

            “I’m doing a study on the effects of sleep and oxygen bio-availability.”

            “What?” Jason scowled, “Did you even speak English just now?”

            Tim’s smile was wan as he stalked over to the coffee pot. “It will have real applications when I submit my ideas to the R&D department at WE. I’m hoping Lucius can help me develop a neuro injection that can increase the uptake of oxygen to red blood cells during respiration.”

            “Like a steroid?”

            Tim glanced over a shoulder, “Sort of. The injection could be useful to Batman.”

            Jason hummed, “Hell of an expensive pick me up.”

            “Less side effects. And possibly even greater power than a dose of just adrenaline or norepinephrine could offer. It could be used on a weekly, even daily, basis if we get the solution just right. I’ve been working on this for the last couple years. But I’m only just now getting ready for human trials. Then there’s the application for the patent. Which is something else entirely.”

            “Wow.”

            “Yeah, it’s—intense.”

            “How the hell do you have time for a life when you’re doing shit like that?”

            “A life?” Tim mused, sipping on his coffee, “Who needs one?”

            Jason snorted, “You might change your tune a couple of years from now when you actually start to notice women as more than just an XX chromosome.”

            “I’ve dated. And I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re implying. It was interesting. And fun. But I can’t afford the distractions right now.”

            “Your focus is admirable. If not a little freaky. Especially coming from an eighteen-year-old.”

            Tim grinned, “Thank you.”

            He settled down beside Jason and neither one of them said anything for a time. They’d both been up late in the cave with Bruce and Damian, going over Joker’s case file with a fine-tooth comb. There wasn’t anything new to discuss. Or even brainstorm. Still—

            “What about you? How are you doing?”

            “Fine.”

            “Like how are your feelings and such?”

            “I know what you meant Tim. And I’m fine.”

            Tim pursed his lips, “I hate to say your lying but…”

            “Really? I’ve already got Dick and Bruce circling like vultures, worried about what I’m going to do. I don’t need you too. Or God forbid, Damian.”

            “He’s already worried. We all are,” Tim shrugged, “We’re family. It’s what we do. Nobody is going to sleep well until Joker is back behind bars.”

            “And what if he never gets found?”

            Tim’s eyes were dark and unreadable for a moment and very much familiar. A detective with the scent of blood in his nose. He wouldn’t rest until the case was closed. None of them would. If this road was a long one, Jason wouldn’t have to worry about the troops giving up.

            “He always shows up. He can’t help it. It’s part of his psychological make-up. He needs the show.”

            Jason swallowed thickly, wondering if that was why he felt like every day was just another second closer to an explosion of mayhem. Joker was planning something and with his silence, the tension only grew. The man wouldn’t rest until he landed himself back in Arkham. It simply wasn’t who he was. The perpetual cycle of lock-up and escape would go on and on until either the Bat or the Joker was dead. And even then, someone else would take their place and the dance would continue from there.

            It made Jason’s stomach ache just thinking about it. It made him feel sweaty and clammy. Itchy.

            “That’s what I’m worried about. How big of a show is it going to be? And who does he plan on playing with, or for?”

            “For? Bruce. Always Bruce. Joker has a sick fascination with the Bat. Something like love but at its base, it’s just obsession. As to who the players will be—we all have a good idea. And so, do you.”

            “Yeah,” Jason shook his head, “God, this sucks.”

            “It does.”

            “There’s a part of me that wants to take Lanie and run. Take her and hide.”

            Tim frowned, “But you know that wouldn’t solve anything. Joker doesn’t have walls keeping him here. If he wanted you in his game, he’d find you and drag you back to Gotham. Both of you. Only you wouldn’t have home plate advantage and with Lanie in tow…”

            “I know. I know that. It’s just—the idea of sitting around and waiting for him to attack has me so antsy I feel like I either want to puke or go kill something. I’m chomping at the bit with nothing to eat and losing it. I’m fucking losing my mind.”

            Tim studied him a minute, then put down his coffee. For some reason or another, the Replacement had the eyes of an old man. And they looked as weary as often as they looked deep. They were an all-knowing sort of blue that had the ability to make others talk or make them feel at peace. It depended on the kid’s mood. If Tim had ever wanted the Batman mantle for himself, Damian would have a run for his money.

            “Maybe you and Lanie should take a vacation. Go to Metropolis and see her family. Get away for a few days.”

            “I can’t do that.”

            “Why not?” A third party had apparently entered the conversation and had been listening for who knows how long. It didn’t really matter. None of what they spoke about was a secret.

            Jason turned and saw Bruce leaning on the doorjamb, wearing the silk robe from all his memory’s and those fucking classic English slippers that marked him Alfred’s ward. He looked like the epitome of rich bachelor Brucie Wayne. But his eyes screamed the Bat was present and accounted for. Dark, calculating, searching.

            “I can’t leave in the middle of all of this.”

            “Yes, you can,” Bruce argued, stepping into the kitchen to stand in front of them. “There’s nothing for you to do here at the manor but wait. And we’re covering all of our bases. Gotham is being flooded with extra patrols and we’ve been on the streets every night. You’re tired. So is Lanie. Maybe a little break is in order. Besides, she told me you haven’t told her family about the baby yet. Maybe now is the time.”

            “Bruce, I don’t—”

            “Jay, trust me. I’ll call you in a heartbeat if you need to come home. I’ll keep you informed. A couple days isn’t going to hurt anything. Make it a long weekend.”

            Jason inhaled sharply, then let his eyes slip closed as he contemplated the suggestion. On the surface, it sounded good. It sounded like what Lanie could use and for himself, maybe he needed to unplug from Gotham and try to separate his emotions a little. Distance could help him with that. On the other hand, Jason might feel more anxious being away from home and the possible epicenter of a Joker showdown. He didn’t want to _not_ be here when it all went down.

            He also wanted to be nowhere near it. His wants felt torn down the middle, pulling exactly opposite of one another.

            “I don’t know. I need to talk to Lanie. See what she thinks.”

            “That’s fair.”

            Tim cleared his throat, “I hear she wants to train. You started her on a few self-defense moves?”

            “Yeah, a few. But I uh—” Jason looked up at Bruce and felt heat creeping along his collar, “I actually thought Bruce might be a better teacher for her. He’s good at teaching.”

            Bruce’s mouth twitched, but that was all the response he was going to get for it. And Jason was thankful the old man wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it. “Sure. I can train her.”

            “But nothing big. I don’t want her pushing herself too hard with the baby. Especially with all the extra stress lately.”

            “Of course,” Bruce accepted easily, smiling now as he meandered over to the counter to rummage through the bread box. Alfred would be up in a half hour, but Bruce never waited if he was up first. Something that aggravated Alfred to no end. He ate first thing like clockwork. English muffin, butter, cup of coffee and a protein shake.

            “Could you make two of those?” Tim chimed, sipping and now staring out the windows of the kitchen like he’d gone somewhere else entirely.

            “Sure. Jay?”

            “No. I’m going to wait for Lanie. Maybe bring her something.”

            “Aw,” Tim snickered, offering Jason a slightly sickly-sweet smile, “You guys are adorable.”

            “Shut up, Replacement.”


	5. Chapter 5

            Jason met Lanie at the clinic for their OBGYN appointment in uniform. Technically, he was still on duty, but Haggerty was a stand-up guy and was willing to sit in the parking lot for a half-hour. If they got a call, he’d have to run, but Jason didn’t want to miss anything.

            Not even a simple check-up.

            There was something about needing to be there more than his folks had ever been there for him, right at the beginning that mattered to him. It mattered a great deal.

            Lanie was twelve weeks pregnant and according to the books he’d read, she was at the tipping point between first and second trimester. Supposedly, she’d begin to feel better. She might even get a little energy back. He was primarily concerned with the morning sickness, but Jason figured Lanie would cover everything else. Whatever he’d read in the books, she’d read twice over. And taken notes.

            Jason’s hands twitched nervously at his sides as he strode into the elevator and he had to forcefully tell himself not to snap at random people who stared at him. It wasn’t because they knew him or recognized him or had anything to do with him. It was because he was a cop in an OBGYN office and they were curious. That was all.

            But he was twitchy. Jason didn’t imagine that twitchiness was going to go away anytime soon without the Joker put safely away.

            Dr. Kendra Bundara was a sedate slender woman with carefully arranged hair and a soft voice. She oozed calm and tranquility. She made Jason nervous. Lanie had picked her out of a list of other doctors after reading doctor reviews and listening to horror stories about terrible doctors pressuring their patients into unwanted caesarean sections or epidurals. Jason couldn’t imagine why a woman would want to go through labor feeling all of it, but according to the science, there were plenty of reasons.

            Just thinking about Lanie panting her way through some thirty-odd-hour labor had him sweating.

            “Babe,” Lanie called out to him the moment he slipped in the office doors. The waiting room was done up in Anne Geddes baby photos and lilac paint. There were potted plants and the air freshener was clearly floral and in excess. He had a headache just walking in. It felt way too soft and feminine for him to be sitting in, but this was Lanie’s pick. It was who she’d liked. So, he’d stuff it and smile and do whatever made her happy.

            Even if he hated the color purple.

            Green came as a close second.

            “Hey, I hope you didn’t have to wait long.”

            “No. I already checked in,” Lanie smiled, nervously folding both hands around her stomach in a protective gesture she had started to do unconsciously. Jason found it endearing. “It shouldn’t be more than a couple minutes though. Are you sure Haggerty is OK with this?”

            “Yeah. The man’s a sour cod, but he’s soft under the spikes.”

            Lanie leaned into his shoulder and puffed out a breath, “You ready to visit my parents tonight?”

            “Yeah.” He was. Mostly. Bruce’s idea of leaving Gotham for a couple of days had merit. He’d switched shifts with a friend and had the full two days off to spend with the Thompkins’ in Metropolis. They’d tell everyone about the baby, maybe flash a new ultrasound pic and everyone would be happy go lucky.

            Unless the shit hit the fan before then.

            “Lanie Thompkins?”

            Lanie pushed to a stand, bringing Jason up with her and the both of them followed a nurse dressed in gaudy flower covered scrubs down the hall. They’d had a prenatal appointment before this. But Jason still felt on edge when they finished all the prerequisites to entering the exam room. Weight, height, peeing in a cup. Lanie conversed politely with the nurse. Jason kept to himself and said nothing.

            It wasn’t until they were alone again and waiting in the exam room and his knees were jiggling that Lanie turned to offer him an arch stare.

            “Jay, you’re making _me_ nervous.”

            He stopped jiggling, “Sorry.”

            “I know we’ve got a lot going on right now,” understatement of the century, “But let’s just try and enjoy this appointment. I’m looking forward to hearing the baby’s heartbeat.”

            Jason’ shoulders loosened seeing Lanie’s small smile. She was glowing again, like she was covered in gold powder from head to toe. Stunning. It made his chest squeeze and his stomach hollow out. He wanted to have her on that exam table, right now, right on top of that crackling white paper. The stirrups could be an interesting—

            “Hello you two!”

            Jason jerked, forcing his gaze to the door as Dr. Bundara slipped inside with a thin laptop and a bright unaffected smile. She didn’t have a hair out of place and when she took Jason’s hand for the perfunctory shake, her grip was soft and warm.

            “Lanie, how are you feeling?”

            “Good,” Lanie nodded, “Better than I have been. The morning sickness was killing me for a while. But I think it’s getting better.”

            “Yes,” Dr. Bundara nodded at the laptop, “I can see you lost a few pounds but you’ll easily make that all back up during this next trimester. You should start to feel a little better as we go. Cravings will kick in too. Energy will go up. And you might find yourself enjoying this next trimester.”

            “I’m looking forward to it.”

            Dr. Bundara laughed, “Every pregnant woman does. It’ll all be worth it in the end when you have that pink little bundle in your arms,” she flashed a smile at Jason then nodded to him, “And you, Jay? How are you doing?”

            “Me?” Jason blinked, “What about me?”

            “How are you doing? You’re daddy now. Are you getting enough sleep? Making sure to take your vitamins? You’ll need it once the baby comes.”

            “Oh I—” he felt stupid answering, “Not really. No.”

            “Then let’s make a few changes. You have to think about more than just you now. Or even Lanie. The baby will be the priority. Yes?”

            He swallowed thickly, “Yes.”

            God, it sounded fucking weird.

            “Alright, let’s talk about the next few weeks and what to expect. Then we’ll do an exam. Sound good, Lanie?”

            Lanie seemed to agree because they launched into question after question. Volleying information too fast for Jason to keep up. He wished he’d brought the goddamn notepad from the cruiser. Instead, he was left to hum and nod, to whatever it was the doctor was saying and then they were having Lanie lie back and pull up her shirt. Jason’s breath sucked straight out of his lungs when the doc put the doppler on Lanie’s smooth, still-flat tummy to listen.

            The exam room was quickly filled with the steady thump, thump, thump of life and Jason had to look down at the floor because there was no way else to hide the tears. He gripped Lanie’s hand, offering a squeeze, but he couldn’t make himself look up. He was very, very close to losing it emotionally.

            That tiny thump, thump, was a baby—his baby—Lanie’s baby—their baby. A baby that depended upon him for safety, food, love, guidance. A baby that would come into the world as innocent as white snow. And he didn’t know if he could prevent it from seeing the truth.

            The world wasn’t fair. It wasn’t innocent or sweet or good. It was harsh. And grim. And bloody. There was pain and destruction. It was hurt—

            “Jay?”

            He blinked up at Lanie, discreetly sniffing, “Yeah?”

            “You OK?”

            “Yeah, it’s just—” _terrifying_ , “beautiful.”

            And it _was_ beautiful.

            But it was the single-most terrifying thing of his existence too. Because he already loved that tiny thump, thump. He loved it more than his own heartbeat that soothed him on long nights. He loved it like he loved Lanie’s. And that was scary. It was as scary as when he’d said he was in love with her. It felt like he was losing a piece of his heart. Except it was to this strange little alien creature that was fragile and pink and absurdly precious.

            How much more would it mean to him once the baby was out of Lanie? Once it was whole and _real_? Once he could touch and smell and feel it?

            “Your baby has a strong heartbeat. Perfectly normal.”

            It sounded like it was racing. “Not too fast?”

            “No,” Dr. Bundara shook her head, “Not at all. It’s perfect.”

            “We don’t need to do an ultrasound to make sure?” Jason worried the inside of his lip, trying not to start jiggling again.

            “Unless there is something to suggest otherwise, we won’t do another ultrasound until around twenty weeks for an anatomy scan. Depending on your wishes, we might even get to see the sex of the baby then.”

             “Oh.”

             Lanie’s smile was wide enough for the both of them. She looked ecstatic. Did he want to know who was inside her? So, he could stop calling it, well, an it?

            Maybe.

            His gaze held on Lanie’s flat belly and his own stomach did a slow clutch and roll.

            Yes, yes, he did. The baby was already a surprise for them. They didn’t need to add a second with the gender. It would be nice to know and to plan. To maybe buy a few outfits and decorate a nursery.

             Oh God, they didn’t even have a house that could fit the baby, let alone a nursery.

             Lanie was already three months along and that meant they only had six months left, give or take, till they would need all that extra space. Plus, the supplies. And insurance. He had alright insurance with the department, but that was only with a wife and children. Lanie wasn’t his wife—yet—but his child should be covered, shouldn’t it?

             Something like panic stabbed a needle right in his balloon and left him sitting silent as the doctor cleaned up the doppler and Lanie. They exchanged a few more bits of information, got another appointment for a month out, and were bid a good afternoon. Jason felt sick.

              Lanie let him stew all the way out of the office, through the lobby and out into the press of warm air that was teasing Gotham. He could see Haggerty passed out in the cruiser across the parking lot. He didn’t look like the wait had bothered him much.

             “Jay, talk to me.”

             He blinked, forcefully drawing himself back to her. She was peering up at him with a taut expression on her face. It looked an awful lot like hurt. “I’m sorry.”

             “For what?”

              He gestured helplessly at her stomach, at the air around them in general, “Everything. I got you pregnant when we weren’t prepared. We have nothing ready. We don’t even have a place to live that’s safe right now and with everything going on right now, I feel like—I feel like shit about it.”

             “I see.”

              “That came out wrong. I mean—I just wish I could have done this better with you. I wish we’d had better planning. I knew having a kid might be hard for me, but in the back of my head, I always thought I’d be prepared. Because I’d have the time to get ready and that’s no what happened at all.”

              “No,” she sighed, “It isn’t.”

              “I’m just—I’m still adjusting.”

              “OK.”

               Jason frowned, “I feel like you’re mad at me, but I can’t tell. Because you’re doing that stupidly reasonable thing with me where you let me throw up on you and you just take it.”

               Lanie broke the space between them and stretched up on tip-toe to bite his chin. It was a surprisingly hard bite, but still playful. “Stop that.”

              “What was that for?”

               She bit him again, this time adding a kiss that nibbled up to his mouth and took a little of his breath right out of him. It certainly had the affect of distracting him. “That. You’re frowning when you should be smiling. You’re worrying when there is nothing either of us can do to change this. So, stop it. Enjoy this Jay. Let yourself think about the miracle that’s in my cute little belly and just stop.”

               Jason stared at Lanie. He stared at her long enough her face started to blur, and she caught one of his hands and pressed it flush to her stomach. It was silly. Standing out on the sidewalk, in front of the clinic, with his hand up her shirt, but it felt like one of those moments he’d never forget. It felt grounding in a way nothing else had in days.

               “OK.”

                She smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners, hair loose and shining almost red under the scant sunlight. “Yeah?”

                “Yeah. I’ll do better,” Jason forced his gaze back to the parking lot and to Haggerty. He had six more hours on shift and needed to focus. He needed to get back into work-mode, but his brain felt a little fried. “You have class today?”

                “No. Friday afternoons are free for me. I’m supposed to train a little with Bruce before we leave for Metropolis.”

                 Jason internally flinched, externally, he forced a smile and nodded sharply. “Good. I’m glad Bruce could make the time for you.”

                 Lanie laughed, “He seemed eager to teach me.”

                 “He misses it.”

                 “Having a young impressionable protégé?”

                  Jason smirked, “Someone to boss around. I’d prepare yourself. Bruce is a different man when he’s in Bat mode. He’s not nearly as sweet to be around.”

                  Lanie pursed her lips, “He might surprise you.”

                 Jason didn’t think so. But he’d let Lanie figure that out for herself. Bruce was going to come down on her like a ton of bricks. He only wished he could be there to see it happen.

 

            “Again.”

            Lanie panted out a thin breath, blinking up at Bruce through enough sweat to be embarrassing. She’d thought herself fairly fit, all things considered. She did yoga and meditation on the regular. She wasn’t a runner or anything so regimented, but she did cycle around the city and never used a car to get to class.

            This was nothing like she’d ever done. Jason had apparently been serious.

            “Do you need to rest?” The words were offered like an insult and Lanie refused to rise to the bait. Instead, she pushed up from the ground and forced her shaky limbs back into start position. Bruce had her working on simple attacks. In which he attacked her, and she went on the defensive. Her goal was to use his momentum to her advantage. He might outweigh and muscle her, but she could use her speed and agility to counteract some of that.

            Or at least, that was the theory.

            “Faster, Lanie. I’m not going to give you any leeway.”

            “Obviously,” she muttered, dodging a hand that blurred past her face and went for her hair. She managed to do what he’d said by moving into him, rather than away and dodged the grab.

            “Good job. But you’re too slow,” he grimaced at her, stepping back, “If I was anyone else, say the Joker,” his eyes flashed like jagged steel at her, “I would have just thrown you over a shoulder. You’re small. Petite is cute when you’re walking the mall, not when you can be carried around like a handbag.”

            She managed to stifle a snarl. Just barely.

            “Alright. Again.”

            Bruce’s smile was small, but it made Lanie want to laugh hysterically. The man was a maniac. He knew exactly which buttons to push and how hard to push them to get what he wanted. It was one thing to know her future father-in-law was absolutely lethal and could dismantle a bomb in thirty seconds. It was an entirely different matter to come head to head with that fact. Bruce was frightening.

            Another twenty minutes slipped down the drain and Lanie was flagging. Dripping with sweat, trembling with fatigue, and slightly embarrassed about that, she held up a hand when Bruce made to start all over again.

            “I think—” she swallowed thickly, glancing briefly at her water bottle. She’d already re-filled it twice. “I think you might have killed me.”

            Bruce’s posture relaxed, and he chuckled, “Hardly. But I’ve pushed you today. Maybe a little too hard,” he noted absently, not even breathing hard. He was lightly sheened in sweat, but that was all the evidence she was going to get that he’d done anything other than reading a book. “Hit the showers and I’ll meet you upstairs for a debrief. Jason should be home in an hour.”

            “Kay,” Lanie mumbled, already obeying without complaint. Hot water sounded heavenly. She stripped unashamedly from her yoga pants and tank, knowing that she was alone in the cave and almost sat in the shower rather than standing. Leaning on the tile, Lanie let the hot water work its magic and soothe her now aching muscles. It felt good to work hard, but she regretted that it took so much out of her. Being pregnant was the gift that kept on giving. She could use a nap before they hit the road.

            When she finished and meandered upstairs to the kitchen, Lanie found Bruce waiting with two glasses of tea and a plate of cookies. He was reading the newspaper with a pair of glasses perched on his nose. And he looked not even remotely like the frightening taskmaster she’d encountered in the cave. In fact, the homey scene was so domestic and fluffy, it looked absurd.

            She laughed, and he looked up with a knowing smirk, further highlighting the change. He was back to the Bruce she knew. It should have been unsettling. But it wasn’t. She’d seen the same thing happen to Jay. When he was on duty as Hood, he was a different person. Off-duty, he was much softer and approachable.  

            “You did very good today.”

            “Thank you,” Lanie grinned, taking an offered cookie with a groan, “I ache all over. So, I know I did something.”

            “Every time you train, you’ll get faster and stronger. It will become second nature to react in the ways I’m asking you,” he watched her a moment then pushed the plate of cookies closer to her, “Eat more of these. You need to make up the calories I burned out of you.”

            His concern for her well-being and that of the baby was enough to make her hormone flooded body want to tear up. Bruce was a good man.

            Lanie swallowed the bite of cookie slowly, “Do you really think there’s a chance I could encounter the—” it felt wrong giving voice to this. But she wanted to know. She had to. “the Joker?”

            Bruce’s expression was carefully neutral. There was no emotion in his response and that too was comforting. He didn’t lie. He would often mislead or outright refuse to divulge information, but Bruce didn’t lie.

            “It’s possible.”

            “What if he just disappeared and doesn’t want to bother us?”

            Bruce pulled the glasses off his nose and pressed a crease into the paper. “He wouldn’t do that. He’s biding his time, but he’ll show and when he does, it will be thematic and with flash. He can’t help himself.”

            “The Joker is obsessed with you. Well, the Batman.”

            Bruce’s eyes jerked to Lanie’s and held a long breathless moment. “Yes. And he’ll use anyone I care about to make me hurt.”

            There was history there. Dark and painful. Years’ worth of torment existed in that gaze and Lanie both respected and feared it. It was frighteningly familiar. Jay looked much the same when thinking of his own traumas.

            “I’m sorry.”

            He looked away, “It comes with the territory. You poke evil, it pokes back.”

            “Still—"

            “I don’t want you to worry about that. We are doing everything we can to protect you and Jason. You just worry about the baby.”

            “Yeah,” Lanie put down the cookie, “I know.”

            She was still worried. As much as she told Jay to try and enjoy the pregnancy and let things go, she was just as guilty of harboring fear and anxiety.

Jason walked in not even thirty seconds later and the atmosphere in the kitchen abruptly lightened. He hugged her from behind, pressing a nose into her hair and Lanie soaked up the heat he enveloped her with. He smelled stronger of cigarettes than normal. Which meant he’d probably smoked one outside just before coming in.

            “You all packed?”

            She nodded, “Yes. You want to shower before we go?”

            “Yeah.” He always did. Working a twelve hour shift always left him wanting to wash off the day.

            “How was training?” Jay wasn’t talking to her now.

            Bruce smiled at them, “Good. She’ll make a formidable foe.”

            Jason snorted, “Anything new?”

            “No. I would tell you if there was,” Bruce sighed, pushing back from the table. He brought the tea with him. “Get your shower. You’ll want to get on the road before rush-hour. Be sure to say goodbye before you leave.”

            “Of course,” Lanie murmured, watching him go. “Is he alright?”

            “Yeah, he’s just in a brooding mood,” Jay’s mouth trailed down to her neck and started teasing her collarbone. Lanie’s eyes rolled back in her head. “You want to join me in the shower?”

            “I just—” she stifled a groan, head lolling into him, a slow curl of warmth pooling like liquid honey in her stomach, “I just showered.”

            “I wasn’t thinking of getting you clean.”

            She laughed, “Oh God.”

            “I don’t usually answer by that name, but if that’s what you want to call me, I don’t mind.”

            She laughed hard enough she snorted. Which made Jay growl and carry her upstairs like a caveman staking his claim. It was just what the doctor ordered to forget for an evening.

            Later that night, after a drowsy trip to Metropolis and a smattering of cozy family greetings, Lanie and Jay passed out wrapped around each other in bed. She didn’t notice the text message from an unknown number on her phone. She’d been too tired to check.

            But if she had, she wouldn’t have gotten any sleep.                  

  


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving guys! Thanks for all the love:)

           “Bruce, I need answers. I need them right now.”

            _“I don’t have any answers for you right now Jason. He used a piggyback signal to send the text. There isn’t a clear location.”_

            He was shaking, trembling from a deadly combination of rage and fear that made him feel about as close to the edge of a panic attack or murder spree as he’d ever been. Jason wanted to rush out the door of the Thompkins home and hit the streets running. He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to—

            _“Jason, I need you to breathe. Calm down.”_

            “Don’t tell me what to do old man.”

            A long-suffering sigh pushed through the phone and Jason’s hand tightened around the plastic casing with brutal force. He needed to remember who he was. He needed to remember that Lanie’s family was inside the house at his back, seemingly unaware of the situation. They were just a normal family, doing normal things, eating a normal breakfast in a normal fucking neighborhood where Lanie grew up.

            Because Lanie was normal. She was untainted. She was pure and snowy, like their baby and the Joker had contacted her. The Joker had sought her out first.

            Jason was going to be sick.

            Vomit crawled up his throat, and Jason struggled madly to keep it down. It wouldn’t look particularly good to upchuck all over Mrs. Thompkins' pretty pink Tulips. Any sense of false façade would end right there and then.

            _“—Jason.”_

            “What?” Jason snapped, “What the fuck is it?”

            _“I’m going to do my best to find out how he sent the message. And I’m not going to rest until I do. I care about Lanie and her safety.”_

            “Yeah? Well imagine how much I do. Imagine what this is like for me? God, imagine what this is like for her? Bruce, she isn’t like us. She’s not had to deal with someone like him before. She’d never been—”

            _“Jason. Deep breath. I know. I know this is frightening. But we are doing everything we can. And she’s safe with you in Metropolis right now. He’s not going to make a move there.”_

            “What makes you so sure?”

            _“Because I know. I just do.”_

            “Right,” Jason growled, “I forgot. You’re just as fucked up as him and can think like him.”

            There was a pause on the phone, static in Jason’s ear that made his skin crawl and then he sighed. “Sorry. Too far. I’m just pissed. I knew he’d probably find out about her. I knew that. I just—”

            _“I know Jason. I’m not happy either. But we’re going to get him. We always do.”_

            “That’s the problem, Bruce. What if we’ve used up our quota of ‘gotchas’? What if we’ve run out of close calls? I mean, I’m already running on borrowed time. I’ve already managed to get a second chance and what if this is Fate’s way of trying to fuck me over for being greedy and taking Lanie too.”

            _“No. You can’t think like that. Fate has nothing to do with it. You make your own luck.”_

The sliding door at Jason’s back opened and Jason swiveled around to catch Lanie padding out onto the deck to join him. She was wearing a pair of matching flannels and looked impossibly small swimming in them.

            “I need to go.”

            _“I’ll keep you updated Jason. I promise.”_

“Fine. See you Sunday night.”

            Jason hung up and pocketed his phone before turning to face her. She didn’t look as shaken as she had an hour previous, but her color still wasn’t right. Her eyes had just the right amount of lost in them to make his gut curl and that rage from earlier to prick its ugly head up.

            “Breakfast ready?”

            Lanie blinked away from the yard where she’d been staring vacantly at the trampoline and old swing set. Jason would bet his savings that she’d swung on those monkey bars as a child. The picture it made was a pretty one. Soft and dreamy.

            “Yeah. Mom made omelets.”

            “With mushrooms?”

            Lanie smiled, just a touch of the emptiness fading, “Yes. And you’re going to eat them. She worked hard on them.”

            “Of course, I wouldn’t dream of saying no to putting fungus in my body.”

            Lanie’s smile widened, a flash in a pan, then slipped away like sand drifting through slotted fingers. “What did Bruce say?”

            “He’s looking into whoever sent the text. It used a piggyback signal so there is no way to directly pinpoint it right now.”

            “But it was him?”

            Jason swallowed past the lump in his throat, then nodded. “Yes. It was him. There is no other explanation.”

            The message, ‘ _Ha Ha Ha’_ , had been simple and yet explicit. He’d wanted Jason and Bruce to know that he could touch anything. Find anyone. Do anything.

            “But how did Joker find my number? Has he been watching us?”

            Guilt was starting to shuffle in beside the fear and the anger and Jason was struggling not to give in to it. Lanie would have no part of any of this if he’d not met her. If he’d not fallen in love and let himself have all of this. “He keeps tabs on Bruce. And of course, when one of his sons gets involved with someone, Joker is watching. And takes note.”

            “Joker knows who you all are.”

            Jason nodded, “Yes. But he’s never going to out us. He only cares about the alter-egos. He likes the Bat to stay as the Bat. And Robins, to be Robins.”

            She shook her head, “You’re the Hood now.”

            “Doesn’t matter. To him, I’m still the Robin he took and used up in that warehouse. I’m still what he made me.”

            “God Jay,” Lanie had stepped nearer and was hugging herself, “I’m so sorry.”

            “You’re sorry?” Jason shook his head, grabbing her shoulders, and then pulling her in closer because he didn’t realize how much he needed to touch her right then until he had. And she felt good and solid. She felt safe. “ _I’m_ sorry. I’m the one who’s gotten you into this mess. I’m the one who let it get this far. If I’d only stopped us from getting so far he wouldn’t have even known you existed. It’s my fault—”

            “Shhh, Jay,” Lanie shook her head, tickling his chin with her hair, “No. Don’t do that. Don’t let this pull us apart. Don’t play the blame game. I love you. You love me. That has nothing to do with him. Don’t let him ruin that for us.”

            Jason had to scrunch his eyes shut to keep the burn from becoming anything more. He’d cried enough fucking tears over the Joker. He’d lost enough pieces of himself to wallowing. But God, he wanted to. He wanted to throw a world class tantrum about the injustice of the world and how un-fucking-fair it all was. He’d just started to be happy. He’d just started to carve out a life for himself and then this. This fucking freak show.

            It was all threatening the one thing he loved the most.

            Jason sighed into Lanie, inhaling her warmth and her smell and then pressed near enough he felt her belly flat to his. A belly which wouldn’t be flat for much longer.

            No, Joker was threatening the two things he loved most.

            “We should go inside. Mom is waiting. Dad is a little worried. They could hear you yelling on the phone.”

            Jason blew out a weary breath, “Shit.”

            “Don’t worry about it. I told them it was work related.”

            “Lanie—I know that I ask a lot of you. But if you ever want to tell them, if you ever feel like you need to, I would understand.”

            Lanie drew back and peered up at him through cinnamon lashes and Jason’s breath backed up into his throat. Because she was everything he’d ever wanted, dressed in flannel and sleepy eyes. She was his. And he didn’t deserve her.

            “When the time comes, I’ll tell them. But not right now.”

            “OK.”

            She reached up, wound both arms around the back of his neck and drew his lips to hers. But it wasn’t a soft kiss, like he’d been expected. Their rude awakening this morning had felt like the world had tilted once more and that everything was sliding off the table to crash to the floor.

            Every time they got a foothold, or a handhold, the world spat them back out and tore them from their moorings.

            The kiss was rough around the edges. Teeth and tongue, hot and wanting. It was a promise and threat at once. A promise to themselves, and a threat to whoever thought to come between them. Jason groaned into Lanie, wrapping his arms around her waist, forgetting they had an audience on the other side of the glass doors.

            Lanie laughed into his mouth and he almost, almost stole the sound and pressed deeper to taste it too.

            “I don’t think my parents would appreciate you stripping me on the deck in full view of the neighbors.”

            “Maybe not,” Jason panted, struggling to get his bearings again.

            “Omelets,” Lanie murmured, grabbing his hand, winding their fingers together as she tugged him towards the doors.

            “Right.”

            Eat the omelets. Forget about Joker. Forget about everything till he could breathe again.

 

            Lanie fell asleep to the sound of Jay’s steady heartbeat under her ear.

            She woke to the sound of it racing wildly amidst, broken, hoarse moans.

            She’d never been pulled awake faster. Blinking rapidly in the darkness of her bedroom, it took Lanie a full ten seconds to remember they weren’t in their apartment. But in her childhood bedroom. She fumbled for the lamp with unsteady hands and after a frustrating amount of time groping, managed to get the bedroom flooded with light.

            Jay was drenched in sweat and stiff as a board in the middle of the bed. His hands were fists at his sides. Every muscle in his body was stretched taut and inflexible. Pulling back the rest of the covers, Lanie skirted around the bed and couldn’t help but notice even Jay’s toes were curled.

            “Jay, baby, wake up.”

            She’d witnessed these before. Jay had them every so often. Over the last month, he’d had them more than usual. But generally, just turning on the light and using a soothing voice tended to bring him out.

            This time, it wasn’t working.

            “Jay,” Lanie tried again, smoothing both hands over his feverishly hot face and down his neck. He arched away with a muffled cry and she jerked back like she’d been stung. “Wake up baby. Wake up Jay.”

            He started thrashing. Jay wasn’t a small man, by any stretch of the imagination. So, the bed shook loudly, the frame crashing into the wall like a sledgehammer.

            Lanie could hear her parents getting up. Her sisters.

            It didn’t matter. She was too focused on getting Jay out of the dream and back with her. His mouth was open in a half-scream, but his eyes were tightly sealed shut and it was clear he was in deep. He was hurting.

            “Jay,” Lanie panicked, climbing back onto the mattress, breaking the rules they’d set about giving him space, so he never accidently hurt her. She grabbed both of his shoulders and shook him. Shook him hard enough she could hear his teeth rattling. “Wake up! You’re scaring me.”

            The bedroom door burst inwards and Lanie hardly even recognized the sound of her father’s worried rushed words. Because Jay’s eyes had suddenly flown open and she was being grabbed abruptly by steel hands that bit hard into her arms, hard enough to make her wince.

            Breaths sobbing out of his chest, eyes fuzzily not taking in the room properly, Jay looked like he wasn’t even fully awake. But he was strong, and he was scared.

            “Jay, let me go. It’s Lanie. You were dreaming honey. Wake up.”

            When he just stared at her, not even seeming to register what was going on or who he was grabbing, her father appeared at her side and was grabbing Jay to try and pry his fingers off her shoulders.

            “Let her go,” her father snapped angrily, a touch of desperate rage in his voice. Jay blinked at him, slow sluggish blinks, then all at once, the fuzziness cleared, and he released her.  

            “Lanie?” he said shakily, his voice sounded wrecked and small. So very small.

            Lanie’s arms ached where he’d touched. They would bruise. But she wasn’t concerned about that right now. She was more worried about Jay than she’d ever been.

            “Dad, I need you to go. We’re fine. It was just a bad dream.”

            “Lanie, you know I respect your privacy and you know I love you both but—”

            “Then trust me. I’ll explain more in the morning. He’s not going to hurt me.”

            “He did,” her father said scathingly, eyes dancing over Jay in hard jerky swipes that she’d never seen him use on anyone. It felt unfair that Jay should suffer a broken trust between them that wasn’t even his fault. But it appeared there would be damage that needed fixing.

            Not now. The morning.

            Later.

            After she helped Jay stop looking like that. After she understood what had happened that was different about this dream than all the others.

            When her father grudgingly left them again, Lanie’s heart was still a paper moth in her chest, fluttering rapidly in the hollow of her throat. The shells of her ears. She could hardly hear Jay’s whispering words even as she knew he wasn’t really talking to her. He was still in bed, on his side, curled in on himself.

            The shock of white in his hair looked whiter against the black. It was wet with sweat and plastered to his forehead. His eyes were open and staring, but they weren’t seeing anything. He was mumbling softly into the sheets, saying things that sounded like apologies mixed with nonsensical pleas.

            “Jay?” she whispered, kneeling at the edge of the bed, so their eyes would be level. The foggy green of his gaze floated slowly to hers and held. Then grew washed out with a rash of tears.

            “I’m sorry.”

            “It’s OK. I’m alright.”

            “I hurt you,” he choked out the words, then closed his eyes and breathed harshly through his nose. “I hurt you.”

            “I’m OK. I didn’t break.”

            Jay brought a fist to his mouth and bit down on a sob that made Lanie’s hair prickle at the back of her neck.

            “You’re safe Jay. I’m safe. Everything is fine.”

            He reached for her with unsteady hands and Lanie knew what he needed. What she needed. She let him draw her into his sweaty heat and pressed her back solid to his front. He was shaking, shaking so hard it felt like she was snuggling with a big massage chair, but she couldn’t have moved to save her life.

            She’d seen a lot of things in her short time with Jay. She’d seen him cry. She’d seen him panic. She’d seen the nightmares. But she’d never seen this. She’d never borne witness to the aftermath of something like this.

            “He hurt me,” Jay whispered into her hair, his lips a faint tickle on her scalp, “He hurt you. I couldn’t stop him. It was never-ending. It’s—” he pulled her closer, then surprised her by slipping a hand beneath her shirt where he pressed a scalding palm to her belly. “It’s never going to end.”

            “Yes, it is,” Lanie’s voice had dropped to a whisper too and it came out just as watery. She’d started crying too and it felt cleansing in an odd way to share tears. To lean back and press her mouth to Jay’s and taste the salt mixing.

            “You and me. Us,” she closed her fingers around his on her stomach, “We’re all safe, Jay.”

            He made a humming sound that was almost a moan but not quite. It tore the thread between them and made it bleed. It reminded her that she’d picked this man. She’d known he was broken and had stepped into his brokenness willingly.

            She didn’t regret it.

            “Safe,” he sucked in a breath, “We’re safe. You and me. The bean.”

            Lanie smiled, despite the tears and the snot and the pain they were soaking in. “Yes. You and me and the bean. All safe.”

           

            Jason and Lanie didn’t wake till noon the next day. He almost, almost considered slipping out the bedroom window to escape, so he didn’t have to show his face. But that would have been cowardice and Jason wasn’t a coward.

            So, he trudged down the steps beside Lanie. He got a cup of a coffee and a spare, then meandered to Mr. Thompkins home office. He found Lanie’s dad sitting at his desk, a pair of spectacles on his nose, but still squinting at his laptop.

            He waited for the other man to say something. Anything.

            Dan was silent.

            So, Jason started first. He put the second coffee cup down and then sat heavily into the sitting chair where the sunlight of Metropolis always seemed so much warmer and brighter and started in the best way he knew how. With an apology.

            “I’m sorry about last night.”

            Hard brown eyes slid over the edge of the computer and frowned at him, “I’m not even sure what happened last night, son.”

            “I had a rough upbringing and because of that I get bad nightmares.”

            Dan’s brows rose, and he finally pushed back from his computer to pick up his cup of coffee. “That wasn’t just a nightmare. You couldn’t wake up. You hurt my daughter.”

            Jason felt every ounce of blood drain from his face and for a moment, he couldn’t speak. His voice had gone where the blood had. To his numb feet. He’d seen the bruises on Lanie’s arms when she was getting dressed and had felt every inch of them in his chest. He was responsible for hurting her, even though he’d not meant to. It still felt godawful.        

            “Look, Jay,” Dan was moving around the desk, standing in front of him now. He was wearing polished loafers with his pressed Khakis. The epitome of middle-class dad who was trying to protect his daughter from the screw-up Jason was. Jason couldn’t look him in the eyes. “The truth is, last night you didn’t just scare Lanie. You scared me.”

            Jason blinked up at Dan and found the man frowning down at him. But it wasn’t with anger like he’d expected. It was with concern. Real concern. “I was too upset at first to notice. Or to comprehend everything. But after a good night’s sleep and a few hours this morning to think about it all, I’ve realized a few things. I’ve never seen you with your shirt off before.”

            “I—” the scars. Of course, he’d seen them. There were so many. He’d stopped sleeping in a shirt after a few months of living with Lanie. “Yes, there’s a lot of them.”

            “You’ve been hurt a lot. Physically. Emotionally. I never realized how much.”

            Jason nodded, “Yeah.”

            Dan was waiting for something, but Jason didn’t know what. Another apology? He’d gladly give it. A confessional about all the ugly shit that had happened to him? He’d just have to keep on waiting. Because it would never happen.

            “My daughter might have fallen in love with you Jay, but so did we. All of us. And last night scared me, because I realized I don’t know much about where you come from. I don’t know why you are the way you are. And maybe you don’t want me to know, but it’s important to me, that you understand I want to know. That I’m willing to know and that it won’t scare me off of you. I want you to know that I care about you and that I’m willing to do just about anything for you and Lanie and your happiness. Do you understand that?”

            There was a fist wrapped around Jason’s throat and he was having trouble breathing so he nodded. One jerky shake of his head.

            “Has that ever happened before? Have you hurt her before without meaning to?”

            “No,” Jason rasped, risking a look at Dan again to see the man’s eyes were shadowed with thick emotion. He’d never seen the resemblance between Lanie and her father. But he did now. It was all in the eyes. “It’s never been so bad before. We’ve got a lot going on right now. A lot of stress.”

            “Yes, Lanie mentioned there’s been a few problems with work.”

            “Yeah, a few. Some family stuff too. But we’ll be OK.”

            Dan nodded, “Lanie told me last night before bed, that she’s pregnant.”

            Jason felt like he’d been slapped upside the head. He went still in the chair, his body ramrod stiff and ready. Ready for what, he didn’t know. But he was ready. Ready for the insults or recriminations. Ready to be chewed out about protection. Or about hurting her when she was pregnant. Or—

            “I’m happy for you two. Very happy.”

            “You are?” Jason whispered, blinking stupidly up at Dan, “Really? It was kind of an accident.”

            “I know. She explained it all. I don’t envy you two figuring all the details out, but I’m glad you have each other. And I’m of the mind that no babies are accidents. This little one is special. And it’ll be loved beyond comparison.”

            It was true. The baby would be loved. Probably smothered with it. And spoiled.

            “I don’t know what to say.”

            Dan shrugged, “Say that you’ll be careful. And that you’ll remember my door is always open. That you’ll keep in mind, I might not be the best talker, but I’m a good listener.”   

             Jason stood, tried to offer a hand to shake, because that felt like the appropriate thing to do, but found himself being wrapped up in a thick-armed hug. It was a little awkward because Dan was a whole head shorter than Jason. And because Jason didn’t like being hugged by anyone but Lanie, Dan kept it brief, then slapped him on the shoulder with a smile that looked genuine.

            There was too much relief in Jason not to try and smile back. His wasn’t nearly as convincing, but it was something.

            “Lanie will have told her mother by now about the baby. Let’s go share the good news with the girls.”

             A joyful squeal coming from the living room proved that Dan was right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thebeastinsideusall I referenced your great idea of the nickname Batty-Bean in this chapter. Thank you for the idea!

            Lanie’s belly had officially graduated to a full-on baby bump.

            She turned in front of the mirror, silently admiring the way it looked beneath the shimmery folds of the maternity top she could now officially wear, and smiled. It looked good. Really good. And it certainly helped that she could now say that bulge in her stomach was from more than just a few too many donuts.

            Lanie _looked_ pregnant. Very much so.

            Dabbing on lip-gloss wasn’t really needed to complete the look, but she was feeling whimsical and light. She was feeling happy. More than she had in months.

            Maybe it was because it was her birthday. Or maybe it was because she was going on a much needed date night with Jay. But she suspected it was because everything felt absolutely—boring. Normal. Mundane.

            There hadn’t been another text from the Joker. Not in the last three months.

            After a largely heated debate, she and Jay had moved back into their apartment and they’d both sighed with relief at the comfort of doing so. They couldn’t live in the manor forever, nor did either of them want to. In their own space, everything had begun to resettle. On the nights Jay was home, they watched reruns, ate supper and made love—sometimes in the dark, fast and rowdy and desperate. Sometimes to candlelight, soft and warm and savoring.

            Lanie soaked up every little moment like she was a sponge and her life depended upon it. Jay quietly stopped bringing up Joker and started bringing home little gifts for the baby. Onesies, toys, and diapers. They looked up bigger apartments on the weekends and fielded Bruce’s grumpy phone calls about not being allowed to pay for it.

            It was all very domestic and sweet.

            If Lanie sometimes had the occasional fear that it would all come crashing down around them, it was only normal. Joker was still unaccounted for and his sudden disappearing act after the text message, was suspect. If Jay had more nightmares, sprinkled amidst their peaceful evenings, that too, was to be expected. And it was dealt with carefully. Soft kisses and warm touches, and hot drinks. Long measured looks.

            They were fine. Everything was fine.

            Lanie smiled again, smoothing a hand over her belly fondly, “We’re all fine, aren’t we, my little Battybean?”

            “You did not just call our child that,” Jay murmured from the bathroom. She followed the sound of his voice and found him standing in front of the mirror, trying to comb his hair into submission. But the hair wanted to stand on end.

            He looked more sedate than usual, wearing a gray button-up and a pair of dark wash jeans. It was a good look for him, though it didn’t immediately look like _Jay_. It was his version of dressing up for her and it was endearing. She leaned on the doorway and waited for him to finish before grinning at him.

            “I like the name.”

            “Battybean?”

            “You call it a Bean. Battybean makes sense.”

            He lifted an arrogant brow then flipped off the light, swooping down in sudden darkness to steal a kiss. He tasted like toothpaste.

            “In a couple of days, we won’t have to call it an it or a Bean. We can use he or she.”

            She nodded, “True. But until then…”

            “Fine. But don’t let Dick hear it.”

            Lanie laughed around his mouth, “Why?”

            “He’ll never stop calling the kid that name. It’ll be permanent.”

            “Hmmm.”

            “You look beautiful.”

            “Do I?” Lanie knew Jay liked her in red. She may have taken advantage of that when shopping.

            “Yeah,” Jay inhaled softly, then pulled back, “But I’m going to do this right and take my lady to dinner. Like I promised. It’s your birthday.”

“And if I wanted to say, fuck it, let’s stay in and just have crazy monkey sex—”

He didn’t even bat an eyelash. The man was a stone. “Then I’d have no choice but to agree.”

Lanie smirked, allowing him to hook their arms together as they left the apartment. “Are we walking or taking the car?”

            “Walking.”

            “Good. I wore sensible shoes.”

            Jay looked down and frowned, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear high heels before.”

            “That’s because I don’t. Ever. I’ll break an ankle,” she grinned holding her leg up for inspection, “These are wedges. Sandal wedges.”

            “Right,” Jay looked like he was biting back his own grin and she liked the look on him. She liked that he looked happy and relaxed and that he was a warm presence at her side. It _had_ been a long time since they’d gone on a proper date. Her birthday was the perfect excuse for it. Life had gotten so busy since they’d found out about the baby. It felt good to have this moment to pause.

            Jay walked them to a little pizza place they’d been to before and they were seated in a booth at the back. It was intimate and quiet, despite the cheesy Italian music crooning in the background. The pizza was grease upon grease but delicious. It reminded her of their early dates when everything had been new and frightening. Except they leaned into each other now and couldn’t seem to get enough contact. Jay kept a hand on her leg beneath the table, possessively flexing his fingers on her knee. She toyed with his loose knuckles on the table top, pressing hearts and letters into the skin until he’d get restless and take her mouth in a kiss that made the bustling noises fade into the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.

            “I’ve been looking forward to this all week,” she mused, drawing back to nuzzle into his neck.

            “Me too.”

            “Sometimes, when it’s like this between us, the world gets quiet and it doesn’t feel real.”

            Jay shifted and Lanie could feel his lips brushing her hair. “It’s real.”  
            “I know.”

            He sighed, like it was a struggle to think of something else rather than devour her on the spot. She _loved_ that about him. “Summer break is almost over. You ready for classes to start back up?”

            “Yes,” she took a long sip of her coke, “No. My internship with McMahon and Mann starts in September too.”

            “Will the hours be long?”

            “Yeah. I’ll basically be working as a paralegal. Ask any of them, they are really the ones who do the work.”

            “And when the baby comes?”

            “I’ll have to put it on hold.”

            Jay’s mouth flattened, “Will that mess things up for you?”

            “No. It’ll be alright. After the initial time off, I’ve talked to Alfred and he’d like to watch it during the day while I work. At least until we find a suitable daycare.”

            Jay snorted, “Bruce will never give that baby up. Once he gets his hands on it, it’ll be over.”

            Lanie shrugged, guiltily looking down at the table, “I was kind of hoping for that?”

            “Really?”

            “Bruce is a good dad. He’s going to make a great Papa. I think it’ll be good for him. He’s getting older and—”

            Jay frowned, “And he’s not giving up his nighttime activities anytime soon.”

            “Maybe not. But when he does, he’ll have a good reason to. Something to fill his time.”

            “I can’t see Bruce being happy only being a grandpa.”

            “Papa.”

            Jay lifted a brow, “Papa? Your idea? Or Bruce’s?”

            She finished swallowing a bite of breadstick, “I suggested it and Bruce seemed to really like the idea. Besides, then my dad can be Grandpa and yours is Papa. Less confusing for the baby when it gets old enough to talk.”

            Jay laughed, “My God, Bruce is actually going to be a Papa. It sounds freaky as hell.”

            Lanie finished her drink then sighed, pleasantly full and warm from the heat of the ovens in the restaurant. The air conditioning blowing overhead was a soft whirr and was having a drugging affect on her. “I like the idea. Bruce is soft. Papa is too.”

            Jay looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of it. Despite Bruce being the big bad Bat, he was _soft_ and they knew it. He’d learned from the error of his ways when the boys were younger and was often deliberate in his efforts to show affection and emotion around them now.

            It was a candlelight night. Jay lit every stubby tea light they owned, his face so very hard to read as he moved around their tiny bedroom with steady determined moves, Lanie found herself squinting to decipher it. When he met her in the middle and didn’t immediately start undressing her, Lanie almost, almost broke the dreamy quality of the room. She almost ruined what was happening, just to know what he was thinking. Because it felt magical. It felt ethereal.

            Then he started swaying them both, hands hot and big on the low of her back, and Lanie leaned into him with a sigh of sheer contentment. Dancing. He wanted to dance. There was no music and she had a big belly in the way, but he wanted to dance. She didn’t think she’d ever been happier. No, she knew she hadn’t.

            “I love seeing you like this.”

            Lanie blinked into Jay’s shoulder, “Like what?”

            “Soft and happy. Warm around the edges. It’s like holding a firefly.”

            She grinned, “You always get absurdly poetic when you’re feeling gooey.”

            He laughed, “Gooey? I don’t get gooey.”

            “Sure, you do. Right now, I could have you kneeling in front of me, begging. I wouldn’t do that, but that doesn’t change how it is,” she paused then smiled up into Jay’s eyes. They were dark with want and need and almost black from his pupils eating up the color, “You’re a hard man. On the outside. But inside—” she nipped his bottom lip and he groaned, “Soft. Soft and gooey and _mine._ ”

            “Is that so?”

            “Yeah,” Lanie smirked, “It’s so.”

            “And are you mine, Lanie?”

            She couldn’t resist the urge to giggle when her belly got in the way of him closing the circle of their bodies together completely. “Yes. I’m yours Jay.”

            He dipped his head, kissing her jaw, making her veins rush with fire rather than blood. She was the weak one, not him. She was the one that turned into putty in his hands. And he knew it. He knew it when his mouth tipped at the corner and he laid her down on the bed to slip that pretty red maternity shirt over her head. He knew it when he captured her mouth and grabbed her with those big hot hands and made her squirm. He knew it when they were skin on skin and she was desperate for more of him when he whispered happy birthday into her ear.

            She was _his_. Always. And he knew it.

 

 

            The sounds were enough to make him hard. But watching it. God, watching it was good. It was so very, very good.

            He’d been patient. Yes, yes, he had. He’d waited. Bided his time. He was good at that. Not everyone saw that or knew him well enough to know it, but he was good at waiting and watching and biding his time. At planning.

            The Bat knew, but the Bat was distracted. The Bat was caught up with his city. Always running off to that lying bitch and not paying attention. Not nearly enough attention.

            He liked to plan. He liked the chase and the thrill just as much as the kill. So, he’d waited. And it had paid off.

            Sure, it had been hard at first. Because he was possessive, and he liked to keep what was his, _his_. There was a reason he’d branded the little shit before. So, he’d struggled not to fucking shred every ounce of skin off the first person he’d seen after he’d watched some of the footage the first time. But after about the third time, he’d been able to soak in the details. He’d been able to look past the slut his little bird was undressing and just take it all in.

            Little bird had grown up. All muscle and tight skin. Scarred up skin, the best kind there was. He imagined those little hands tracing over the bird’s body were his. He’d started to put himself in that tiny little apartment and it had paid off. Because he’d been able to be patient. Because three months ago, he’d not have been able to tell what was going on, not really.

            He’d only just gotten the sound to work.

            The images were grainy and not nearly detailed enough. Not nearly. He wanted to be able to taste the sweat dripping down those long muscles. He wanted to be able to _feel_ it, like he’d done before.

            He would. Soon. He would. And he’d do it in front the Bat. _His_ Bat. God, he was getting so hard it hurt to think about it. Of course, he’d have to get rid of the girl first. In the most painful way possible. She’d make an excellent shiny lure with that pretty rounded belly.

            His little bird thought he was going to be a father. It was laughable. Actually, it really, really was.

            He let himself laugh, long and loud, till tears poured out of his eyes and he was heaving for breath. Then he laid back on the squeaky little bed with the springs that stabbed into his back and he pictured his bird the way he’d seen him in the surveillance footage. He licked his lips and closed his eyes and imagined he was the one making the bird groan. Then he smiled and pictured the bird screaming.

            It did the job. It did the job just fine.

 

            Jason juggled the keys, a bag of groceries, and the stack of mail he’d picked up on the way up the stairs and barely made it in the door without dropping something. Dumping everything on the counter, he started unloading the stuff that needed to be refrigerated with only half an ear on the buzzing conversation still rumbling in his ear.

            “Dick—” Jason started, then sighed, “Dick, I haven’t been listening for the last ten minutes.”

            _“Of course, you haven’t.”_ A loud sigh, _“I’m almost there anyways.”_

“What?” Jason frowned, stashing the grated cheese and cheese sticks in a drawer together. “You never said you were coming over.”

_“Yes, I did. Ten minutes ago. Buzz me up when I get there. Two minutes out.”_

Jason shook his head then went back to unloading. He had shift in a couple of hours and had promised to pick up a few groceries to save Lanie the trip to the store. They had their anatomy scan in the morning, directly after shift and he’d been hoping to catch a nap before going in. That was apparently not going to happen.

Two minutes later, on the dot, the apartment’s buzzer rang out and Jason let Dick in the building. Dick had his own key, so he came barging in with all the finesse of a rhino on steroids. Jason didn’t even bother to stop what he was doing. Rather, he slowed and started organizing the frozen peas and broccoli in neat stacks to better fit the roasts he’d picked up.

“Jay, oh my God, you won’t believe what a day I’ve had.”

Jason lifted a brow, closing the freezer, “I’d love to hear about it.”

“Don’t be a jerk.”

“Dick, I’m sorry—” he offered a plastic smile, “tell me about your day.”

“Kori wants kids.”

“OK.”

Dick’s face went several shades of purple, “I said she wants kids. Like now. Right now.”

            “I heard you. Are you expecting me to feel bad for you? I thought you wanted kids. I thought you wanted a house full of them.”

            “I did. After a little bit. We only just moved into our house. It’s been crazy and with everything that’s been going on—”

            “Woah. Slow down. Everything that’s been going on?”

            Dick nodded like Jason was slow, “Yeah, with Joker. I didn’t think it was a good time.”

            “He’s not been around. It’s been months of silence.”

            “You know that won’t last.”

            Jason shrugged, moving away from the counter to find a glass of water. His throat was suddenly dry. “Probably not. But until then, you’ve got no excuses. If Kori wants a baby, get busy.”

            Dick snorted, “My God, I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

            Jason downed an entire glass of water then went back for a second. “I’m still me.”

            “New and improved.”

            “Maybe.”

            Dick sighed, moving to join Jason at the sink, bumping shoulders with him. “I guess it just—surprised me. I wasn’t expecting her to want kids so quickly. And I want them, I do, but I just—”

            “It’s scary.” Jason felt like he was in the twilight zone. Having this conversation with Dick felt backwards. He was supposed to be the one getting comforted, not the other way around. Dick was the strong one, the one with all the answers and a level head on his shoulders.

            “Yeah. I guess. I drove all the way here just to stand in the same room and hear that. Wow.”

            Jason smirked, “At least I don’t charge you anything.”

            Dick wrapped an arm around his shoulder, “I do. I haven’t seen your ugly mug in weeks. I want a hug.”

            Jason rolled his eyes but didn’t fight it. Fighting Dick was like trying to stand beneath a waterfall and not get wet. It wouldn’t happen. So, you just gave in and tipped your head back and got soaked.

            When Dick pulled back and ruffled his hair, Jason moved over to the fridge, “Want a beer?”

            “Yeah.”

             Jason pulled two out, popped the tops, then tipped back a frothy mouthful. Leaning against the counter, he studied Dick for a solid minute before saying anything else. It was true, things were different than they were only a few months ago. Hell, _he was_ different. His priorities had taken on another shift and he wasn’t fighting the intense to desire to shift them back anymore. He was trying to roll with it. Trying to enjoy it and let be, let be. He and Lanie were having a baby in a few months and he needed to be better at the unexpected.

             “You’re going to be a great dad, Dickie. Don’t sweat it.”

              Dick smiled, open and honest and soft. It made Jason want to hit the man for being so stupid. “Yeah, yeah you’re right. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”

              “Sure is.”

              “And I’ve got you to show what not to do first, so, it’ll be alright.”

               Jason snorted, “Fuck you.”

               Dick just grinned and they drank companionably for several long minutes till Jason decided he needed to finish what he’d started and went to the stack of mail on the counter to start sorting it. It was all going to be bills anyways, but he needed to keep track of them. He was trying to get them on a better budgeting schedule. In about a month, Jason wanted to get he and Lanie, moved and into a new place. An apartment they’d visited that was in the middle of Gotham, by a cute-ass park, and had a doorman. Secure, safe, and three bedrooms. Room to grow.

            They’d be able to afford it, just barely. If he was willing to dig into his trust-fund. Which he’d decided he was, after a few nights of tearing his hair out over the bill book and numbers that didn’t quite add up.

            Lanie wouldn’t care. He _needed_ to not care. It was technically _his_ money. Bruce had put it there for him to use. It just felt a little like cheating because he’d not really done anything to earn it.

            Flipping through the mail, he sorted the bills from the junk ads and then turned a manila envelope over in his hands that was addressed to no one but had their address. No return address either.

            “What’s that?”

            Jason shrugged, “No clue.”

            “Maybe you shouldn’t open it,” Dick was at his side now, all protective big brother, smelling like beer and bubblegum. A dichotomy that should be laughable but was purely Dick. Serious but playful. Fun, but deadly.

             Jason rolled his eyes. “It’s flat. It’s not going to bite me.”

             “Could have anthrax or poison in it.”

             “Really?”

              Dick shrugged, “We’ve had worse things happen. Besides, it’s been quiet. It’s only a matter of time.”

               It wasn’t like Jason didn’t know all that. He did. But there was something oddly compelling about opening the envelope _now_. Something that made his fingers unsteady when they ripped open the sealed corner and his stomach bottomed out when he felt the edges of photo paper brush his nails.

               Dick coiled like a snake when he stiffened and then stopped. But he’d already started. He needed to know.

               Jason pulled them out like they were attached to a bomb. And they might as well have been.

               Black and white didn’t make the affect less stunning. Nothing would have.

               He sucked in a breath, then another and another and another and he couldn’t make his hands work and the pictures were falling all over the kitchen floor and all he could see were the smiles drawn onto them. Garish red smiles carved in grease paint that immediately filled his nose and blurred everything out till he was backing up and hitting a wall and the panic was like a knife in his chest, carving everything else out, stealing everything else from him.

               Instinct took over and he was fumbling to find his pulse, to press frozen fingers to the thrum of blood under his skin to steady himself. Beer was spilled all over the floor and it looked like blood, foam eating away at the tile. The pictures mocked him, stared at him. Too much skin and intimately private moments captured permanently for an audience that would have found far too much pleasure in it.  

               “Jay, breathe with me. Calm down.”

                Jason could hear him speaking. He knew Dick was still there, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the glossy photos. He couldn’t look away from Lanie spread out naked on their bed, wearing nothing but that greasepaint smile. He couldn’t stop seeing his own body, smeared in the red and sweat and pain. Pain—no, he was happy in those photos. He was—

_“Bruce, I need you here. Right now. Jay’s apartment.”_

              “Jay, he’s coming. It’s alright. We’re going to figure this out.”

               “He’s—” Jason’s throat wanted to slam shut, “he’s been watching us.”

               Dick was suddenly all he could see and there were hands on the sides of his face, making him look away from the photos, making him see only sky blue and dark brows and small fanning wrinkles.

  
            “We’re going to get him.”

            “He’s been watching us. He knows Dick.”

             Dick frowned, confusion wrinkling his brows, “What does he know Jay?”

             “The baby,” Jason murmured, eyes falling closed, weak as a kitten and yet slowly filling with trembling rage, “He knows about the baby.”

           


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've recently been published for the first time with Amazon! Anyone who is interested in romantic suspense, please take a look at my novel, Dayton's Island. It's the first in a trilogy. Copy and paste the link below.  
> https://www.amazon.com/Daytons-Island-Phantoms-Book-1-ebook/dp/B07LGF2Z1V/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1545337350&sr=8-1&keywords=Dayton%27s+Island 
> 
> Thanks!

           Bruce Wayne was a gentle man. At least, that’s what he let everyone believe. That’s what he let everyone think, because it suited him to allow it. It made his life easier and more efficient. It made prospective business allies underestimate him. It made gathering a posse of beautiful women resourceful. 

            But he wasn’t gentle. Not at all. Not in the least.

            Bruce Wayne was carefully controlled rage and violence. He was one step short of murder on a nightly basis and he knew it. The boys knew it. Alfred knew it.

            Joker did too.

            Bruce swore so ripely he watched Dick flinch.

            “B, come on, this isn’t your fault.”

            “Yes,” Bruce growled, low and raw with rage, “Yes, it is.”

            “Joker isn’t worthy of you beating yourself up like this.”

            “Don’t,” Bruce hissed, pacing over to Dick to stare him down with enough venom to make the other man shrink, “Don’t.”

            “B,” Dick swallowed thickly, “I’m just trying to keep you level. You know when you get upset like this, it isn’t productive. It doesn’t help anyone. And Jay needs us to be his calm. He needs us more than ever.”

            “Don’t you think I know that, Dick? I know it. But I’m so—” Bruce stopped, swiping a hand roughly across his mouth, “I’m so angry. I’m so angry and I have nowhere to put it but on myself. None of this would have happened to Jason from the word go if I’d been more careful. If I’d been watching closer. If I’d stopped him. So many mistakes. So many careless mistakes led us to today. What happened to Jason before, God,” Bruce couldn’t help himself, he started pacing again, the restless energy so pent up and broiling it was making him shake. “It was unforgivable. But it isn’t just Jay anymore, is it?”

            “Don’t do this B.”

            “Lanie and that baby are everything to him. They are everything to all of us.”

            Dick nodded, his expression tight with upset and something too close to grief for Bruce not to notice. He felt sick to his stomach.

            “Joker has been watching them for months.”

            “Yes.”

            “I should have been canvassing more thoroughly. I shouldn’t have let them back in that apartment. I knew it wasn’t as safe as the manor.”

            Dick was chewing the inside of his cheek now, drumming his fingers anxiously on the computer console, “Bruce, Jason and Lanie couldn’t stay here forever. They have their own life and they needed their own space.”

            “Joker knows about the baby now. How much more do you think the threat has just amped up? How many more twisted games do you think he’ll come up with to taunt Jason? To hurt me?”

            “I don’t know.”

            Bruce jerked his coat off the back of the desk chair and headed for the stairs.

            “Where are you going?”

            “Out.”

            “B…”

            “I need some air. I’ll be back before dinner. Keep an eye on everyone for me.”

            Bruce kept to the manor grounds. He walked the perimeter of the lawns, counting the exact steps it would take to traverse the entire bit. He absently noted the brush of dwindling sunlight and the crush of the surf far enough away to just be a whisper in his ears. A taunting chant.

            He needed to clear his head. To make the violence smaller, less overarching and more controlled again. But the more he walked, the more it felt like trying to tame a writhing mass of oily black chaos. The more he thought of what the Joker could do, would do, wanted to do—the more he felt his palms itch for a weapon. His stomach balled up with needs, a thousand of them, all of them so dark he never dared tell anyone and Bruce had to stop and steady himself at the fountain. His muscles were so rigid over his bones, he felt them groaning.

            God, he needed to fix this. He needed to protect them. To save them. He couldn’t lose Jason again and certainly couldn’t lose Lanie. Or that baby. Not when everything had finally started to work out. Not when Bruce had seen Jason’s smile become genuine and warm again.

            He couldn’t lose that.

            “Care for a smoke?”

            Bruce’s eyes drifted closed and he sucked in a breath of air before turning, but he’d known somehow that Jason would come find him again. Now that the shock and the horror had worn off some, he would want answers. Solutions. He would want plans to eradicate a threat Bruce had no idea how to stop.

            “Sure.”

            Jason lifted a brow, offering the pack of Marlboro over like he was shocked. If his son only knew how many times he’d partaken before Alfred had threatened to kick him out of the house as a teenager. Jason would laugh.  

            They sat with some unspoken agreement at the fountain’s lip and Bruce watched as Jason tugged off his sneakers and socks, then rolled up his pants to soak his feet in the water. It was something he’d done since he was a kid, to Alfred’s consternation and it softened that rage better than any amount of walking could ever have accomplished.

            “I’m sorry Jason.”

            Jason blinked up at him, taking a slow drag of his cigarette. Bruce looked away and savored his own. It had been a long, long time since he’d given into something this indulgent. A long time since he’d allowed himself to taste nicotine and not feel guilty about it.

            “Shit happens, old man. It just does.”

            Jason sounded wrong. Distant and cold. Off.

            “Yes.”

            Bruce might agree but he didn’t have to be altruistic about it. He didn’t have to stifle the urge to fix the world.

            “I know I keep saying it, but we will catch him.”

            Jason nodded, “I know.”

            “How is Lanie?”

            Jason shrugged a shoulder, “I think she’s alright. But she’s strong. And she puts up a good front. She doesn’t want to make things worse for me, which is bullshit, because she’s the pregnant one. She’s the one who should be coddled and worried about. But uh—” he licked his lips, “I think she’s going to be alright.”

            “I’m sure she will.”

            “You want us to move back in?”

            “I was going to ask. I know it isn’t ideal.”

            “The manor is the safest place in the city. We can’t stay at our apartment. It’s been—” Jason’s voice cut off, but there was enough shakiness in his tone that Bruce knew what he meant. It made Bruce’s free hand fist in his lap and his breathing short out. Because he understood the sanctity of a safe place. The apartment had been a safe place for Jason and for Lanie. That had been ruined. Defiled.

            Joker had already taken something else that didn’t belong to him.

            Bruce had seen the pictures. He’d studied them for the last two hours, out of duty and obligation and obsession to find any sort of clue or fuck up, and by the end of it he’d felt so sick to his stomach he’d promptly hunched over and vomited. Maybe it was the fact that it was an innocent, Lanie, who had suffered the degradation of their bedroom or maybe it was that Jason had struggled for too long to be comfortable enough to share intimacy with someone ever again after—everything that had happened to him.

            Maybe it was all of it.

            But the guilt was blinding.

            The guilt was horrific.

            “I’m sorry.” Bruce didn’t know what else to say. Everything felt too small. Too weak. He had no solutions and at present he was dead in the water, just waiting for Joker to strike again.

            “It’s not your fault, B.”

            “It—it is. You know it is. He wouldn’t even have been interested in you if you hadn’t been Robin to begin with.”

            “You would take that away from me too? Some of the only good memories I have left?”

            “What?” Bruce jerked, dropping the cigarette into the fountain, “No. I didn’t mean—”

            “Then don’t. Stop blaming yourself. Being Robin was something that I needed. I loved doing it. What happened later, was no one’s fault but Joker’s. Isn’t that what you tried to drum into me when I came back?”

            “Yes.”

            Jason snubbed out his own cigarette, then levelled Bruce with a look so old and battle-worn that it brought a lump to his throat. A man so young with so many scars should not exist. But Jason did. Jason existed, and he couldn’t lose him again.

            “I’m going to kill Joker.”

            Bruce’s breath backed up into his throat and choked him. “Jason.”

            It was just his name. It was just a word. But it was a plea too because Bruce couldn’t make his numb lips form the right words. And even if he could, Bruce wasn’t sure the words would be right. He wasn’t sure he would actually be asking Jason to abstain when it felt so wrong to.

            “You aren’t going to try and stop me.”

            Bruce swallowed, “I—I don’t—”

            Jason shook his head, “I’ve already decided. It doesn’t really matter if you say anything. I already know how you feel. And I understand. But you aren’t going to stop me. You aren’t going to get in the way this time. You’re going to let me.”

            Bruce’s thoughts had scattered. Pearls ripping off a necklace and scattering around wet cement. He couldn’t speak.

            “It was different when it was just me. Different even when it was you and me and the others. But it’s them now. It’s Lanie and the baby. And I knew when I saw those pictures, that this can only end one way for me. He needs to die Bruce. You see that. You know it. He needs to go.”

            Bruce reached blindly for Jason’s hands and gripped them hard, but his mouth still wasn’t working, and he couldn’t think of what to say to stop Jason. Even if he could, Jason had decided. It was over. Everything he’d tried to prevent over the years, all the reform and control he’d tried to pass on, was for nothing. And he was caught between a sour wave of grief and the crippling urge to feel relieved.

            It was a terrifying compilation.

            “You’re going to let me.”

            It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Bruce’s silence was the answer. Though Bruce still wasn’t sure what that answer was. It seemed to be enough for Jason because Jason leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Bruce’s waist to hug him tightly. Bruce returned the embrace, willing his heart to beat again and again though it wanted to stutter and stop. It wanted to break in half.

            All he knew for certain, was that he couldn’t lose Jason again. He couldn’t.

           

 

            Lanie and Jay went to their OB appointment the next day.

            But it wasn’t filled with the excited chatter or flutter of nerves that that any other typical couple finding out the gender of their baby might have. It was a somber affair.

            Lanie gripped Jay’s hand hard enough to bruise as they walked into their normal office. She couldn’t stop the panicked roll in her stomach as she scanned the waiting room, assessed the other pregnant patients and found herself questioning everything she normally never would have.

            She was exhausted.

            Lanie hadn’t slept. She’d tossed and turned, lain awake listening to Jay—who’d also not been sleeping. Although Lanie always sympathized with those who suffered from anxiety disorders, she’d never really understood what it felt like to feel fear on a daily basis. She was beginning to now. Lanie was afraid. More than afraid, she was constantly looking over her shoulder, flinching when someone surprised her, cowering in the shower corner, leery of closing her eyes, even for a second.

            The photographs had been such a hard dose of reality, such a painfully visceral one, that Lanie was still reeling. She wasn’t bouncing back like she usually did. They’d been dealing with the threat of Joker for months, and not once, had Lanie felt like this. Like a trapped animal. But perhaps that was because it hadn’t quite been real. After all, Lanie had never seen the Joker face to face in person. She was what the Batfamily so gently called—a civilian. She was untouched. Clean.

            No longer.

            Lanie had argued with Jay about looking at the photographs. She’d insisted, he’d refused until they’d gotten into a screaming match that had her lightheaded and dizzy. She’d been forced to sit down and that only reminded her of the delicate position she was in. The vulnerability. Lanie was pregnant and that made everything so, so much worse.

            Was it her motherly instincts now kicking in, demanding she run for cover to protect her child? Or was it a purely selfish inclination to avoid danger, one that all humans were plagued with? She didn’t know. Lanie was doing her best not to think. Not at all. She pushed one foot in front of the other, took one breath and the next, and kept her eyes straight.

            Tunnel vision? Yes. A detriment to her mental health? Very possibly, yes. But Lanie didn’t see any other way to handle the abrupt change in their lives. Everything felt sharper, crueler, shorter.

            “You OK?” Jay asked, squeezing her hand. She focused on the callouses there, the warmth and the familiarity of it. He was still there, present and accounted for. She needed to be too.

            “Yes,” she forced a smile, “Yes.”

            He cocked a brow, “It would be alright if you weren’t, Lanie.”

            She blinked at him, “No it wouldn’t. Not right now.”

            “Lanie—”

            “Lanie Thompkins?” The nurse interrupted Jay and ended their conversation. Lanie was glad of it. She didn’t have the emotional capacity to handle it at present. She needed to be allowed to avoid and pretend that she wasn’t falling apart.

            They went to a different room this time. To a room they’d been once before, that was darkened and warmer. The ultrasound machine was whirring, casting blue-light in the corner and the room smelled faintly of nondescript jelly and antiseptic. Lanie focused on the smells to ground herself as she laid back into the crinkly paper and pulled her shirt up.

            Jay didn’t let go of her hand. His steady presence was another thing to focus on. Another thing to shift her mind to.

            Lanie had always pictured this day as a special one. One where she and Jay would be relaxed but anxious to hear about who was inside of her growing belly. She’d pictured a few tears, laughter, and then a little celebratory lunch afterwards. She’d thought of this day with joy curling her mouth and excitement.

            Now—she felt numb. She felt—nothing. Joker had stolen the joy from her.

            And the disappointment of that was so acute it nearly brought tears to her eyes. She’d wanted so badly to hold onto this baby as a her light and hope. But all she could think about was how Joker could take the baby from them. How he could hurt their little Battybean. How losing this baby would destroy her so completely, there would be nothing left to scrape back up. She would rather die.  

            “Lanie?” Jay whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, “It’s OK.”

            The tech was still getting everything ready, squeezing warmed jelly on Lanie’s stomach.

            “Is it?” Lanie asked, eyes burning, throat closing. Maybe they should have cancelled to give themselves more time to get through this. Maybe Lanie should have said something about how badly she was handling everything. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

            Jay’s face looked pale in the scant lighting. It looked haunting.

            They didn’t say any more after the ultrasound started. Instead, they focused solely on the unveiling of their child and sat near head to head, speechless as they took in the sight of their baby. The last ultrasound they’d done, the baby had been nothing more than a pearled spine and a few nubbins for limbs. Now, the baby was fully formed and such a gorgeous sight. Fingers and toes, big round cheeks, strong delicate heartbeat.

            Everything in Lanie strained to get a better look. Everything stopped. The fear, the worries, the terror of not knowing if everything would in fact, be alright.

            It stopped. All she could see was that baby. All she could hear, was the thrumming of life in the dark quiet of the room.

            It was breathtaking.

            “You two wanted to know the sex of the baby, right?”

            Jay spoke for her. Lanie couldn’t talk.

            “Yes.” 

            The tech shifted the probe around Lanie’s belly, swirled it, then zeroed in on another frame. “Do you two see that right there? The three little lines?”

            Lanie blinked, Jay nodded.

            “That means you’re having a girl. Congratulations.”

            “A girl?” Lanie whispered. She’d started crying but she didn’t know when. Her face was hot and the tears felt like ice on her skin. “You’re sure?”

            “Pretty certain. These things do have a chance for error. But we’re pretty good at guessing nowadays.”

            “Jay,” Lanie licked her lips, forcing her gaze off the picture, seeking out the green she knew so well. Jay was chewing his lip, blinking over and over, clearly trying to keep himself together. It was working that well.

            “We’re having a little girl.”

            He nodded, one sharp movement, swallowing convulsively.

            The tech cleared her throat, “I’m going to step out and let you two have a minute. You can use the towel to clean off the jelly. I’ll print off a couple of these beauties for your fridge or wallet and then we’ll see you next week to talk about how everything looked.”

            “How it looked?” Jay’s voice sounded strangled.

            “Baby looked good. But we always have the Radiologist look everything over more thoroughly. It’s standard. And nothing to worry about. Heartbeat is strong and she looks beautiful.”

            “Thank you,” Lanie whispered.

            The tech left them alone then. And the silence was comforting. It wasn’t awkward or strange. It didn’t feel like a bad thing. Jay pressed his forehead to hers and Lanie breathed him in, took in the smells of leather and soap. Let her mind empty except for the tiny ribbon of hope and joy that was wavering pitifully in her middle. It wasn't much, but she was desperate to grab on with both hands and keep it. 

            “She’s so pretty.”

            “Yeah,” Jay nodded, pressing chapped lips to her cheek, then her mouth, “She’s beautiful. Lanie—you’re doing such a good job. Look at what you’ve made? Look at her?”

            “We. We made her Jay. She’s ours.”

            He blinked, looked at the screen again, then scrubbed a hand down his face. “It’s different seeing her like this.”

            “Yeah. It’s better.”

            He smiled, halfway and weary, but it was good. It was another level of grounding that Lanie hadn’t realized she needed. “Yeah.”

            “Should we clean me up? Have lunch?”

            Jay nodded, grabbed the rag the tech left to clean her belly, then helped her sit up. Like shoving a mess of junk into a closet, to be dealt with later, Lanie and Jay walked hand in hand out of the office with a set of glossy photos of their daughter.

            The pressure in Lanie’s chest felt smaller, more manageable when they sat across from each other at an Applebee’s that was nearby and ate lunch. She wasn’t hungry and the food didn’t taste like anything, but Jay was there. And he had her hand and they were having a little girl, so it was going to be OK. _They_ were going to be OK.

            In the end.

            Lanie needed to cling to that.

            “We’ve not talked about names.”

            Lanie sipped on her Sprite, enjoying the bubbles more than anything, “No.”

            “Do you have anything in mind?”

            Lanie bought a names book months ago. She’d gone through a few times, marking names off like a grocery list, but nothing had screamed ‘pick me’. Jay had never really mentioned a preference, one way or the other. “Not really.”

            Jay poked at his fries, “What about your Mom’s name? Or a relative?”

            “I’m not traditional like that. I’d rather she have a name all her own.”

            Jay shrugged, “Alright.”

            “We’ll find something we both like.”

            “I don’t know anything about girls.”

            Lanie blinked, “Well, this is my first time as a parent too Jay. I don’t know anything either.”

            “Not the same. You are a girl.”

            “Are you not happy?”

            “No, that’s not it. It’s just—”

            Dread, cold and slithery bit down in her middle. “You wanted a boy.”

            “No,” Jay said it roughly, like he was struggling to catch his breath, “No. I didn’t have a preference. At least, I didn’t think so. Not until I heard that tech say our baby was a girl. And then…I realized that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted a girl desperately.”

            Lanie looked up at Jay and was immediately caught up in the emotion in his eyes. The thick torrent of feeling and love. It was palpable and addictive, like balm on a burning wound.

            “Why?”

            “A little min-Lanie?” Jay shrugged, his eyes were watery and not quite meeting her own, “How could I not want that? How could I want anything else?”

            He said it jokingly, with a lightness that didn’t suit the situation, but Lanie could see how serious he was. How much it meant to him. She tried for humor too. “She might look just like you.”

            Jay snorted, swiping discreetly at his eyes, “Dear God. She better not.”

            “Jay,” Lanie grabbed for his hands and linked their fingers together on the table top. “With everything that’s been going on and with the—” she dropped her voice, aware they weren’t exactly in a private place for this conversation, “with that clown harassing us, I’m scared,” Jay stiffened, and she rushed on, “But, I couldn’t be happier either. Seeing our baby today, seeing our perfect little girl, it just made me feel lucky to have you. Lucky to be sharing all this with you despite the outside circumstances.”

            “I wish this was easier.”

            “Me too. But it’s—it’s OK that it’s not. Right? We have each other. And that’s all that matters.”

            Jay nodded slowly, “Yeah. We have each other.”

            “You should eat something though. I don’t think you’ve eaten anything in days.”

            Jay lifted a brow, “Pot calling the kettle black.”

            Lanie lifted her burger to her mouth and took a hefty bite of it. Then she purposefully talked with her mouth full. “See? Your turn.”

            It earned her a grin, small and flickering, but there. Lanie treasured it all the same. Jay ate his entire burger and half his fries. 

            They ate lunch, filed out of the Applebee’s and then drove back to the manor. Jay had called off for a few days, using some of his new paid-time off, so they had nowhere else to be. Lanie probably should have spent some time studying for exams or doing assigned reading. Life did not stop when a crisis happened. It rolled on forward, even it rolled over the top of you in the process. 

            She didn’t end up working.

            They stretched out on their bed, with Jay wrapped around her, one hand on the baby and talked about baby names some more. They whispered a few dreams about what she might be when she grew up, who she might date, and Jay hissed warnings he’d deliver to anyone who even dared come near his daughter. Three hours into being a father of a daughter, and Jay was already going to be a terror. It made Lanie grin.

            For a little while, it was just the two of them, with a drugging slant of sunlight that warmed their skin. Lanie felt the baby move, only a light flutter, so soft Jay wouldn’t feel it yet. But he insisted on pressing his ear to her belly and kissing her stretched skin with silly promises to the little girl growing madly within.

            Lanie let herself sink into the cocoon she and Jay made and felt herself relaxing.

            It was late afternoon when Lanie drifted off to sleep, warmed by Jay’s chest on her back. When Jay got up from the bed a little while later, rousing her enough to blink owlishly at him, Lanie didn’t have the energy to argue when he told her to rest some more.

 

            Jason left Lanie in their bed and stalked down the hall and straight to the cave.

            It didn’t take him long to find the gym or to wrap his hands. It took less time to work up a sweat and feel the bruising he’d be leaving on his knuckles.

            He hit the heavy bag with such force, such ferocity, it jarred his teeth and throbbed up to his shoulder. He didn’t feel it. Jason was lost in his mind, in a torrent of hatred and rage and poisoning violence.

            He’d told Bruce he was going to kill the Joker. He’d never been more serious about anything in his life. After today, after seeing those precious rounded cheeks and those tiny fists in full 3D glory, Jason had never been more focused in his life. Never felt the hatred or the bloodlust more acutely.

            Once he’d worked himself into a lather, Jason moved to the trapeze and started in on a routine that Dick had taught him. It was challenging and required a lot of focus. Jason had never performed better.

            When he landed on the mats with a dull thud, having finished his third go through, a long low whistle broke the silence.

            His gaze jerked to the gym door and found Tim standing hip-cocked with a RedBull can in his hand. “Sometimes I forget Dick isn’t the only one who can do that.”

            Jason blinked, forced his mouth to work. He’d been in so deep inside his mind, it was hard to come back out of it. Hard to shut it off. “Yeah.”

            “You wanna talk about it?”

            Jason rolled his shoulders, went to his water bottle and downed half of it before answering. The truth was, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to or not. Dick had asked, worried and hovered. Bruce had all but gone catatonic when he’d made his intentions clear. Tim—Tim was someone who was no less invested but someone who didn’t always have an opinion. At least that he was readily willing to share.

            “Got a lot on my mind.”

            Tim smirked, “I can’t imagine why.”

            “Don’t be a smartass.”

            “Alright, tell me about it. What’s rattling around in that thick skull of yours, Jay?”

            Jason kept his eyes on the mats, kept his focus on shaping words and thoughts. The rage was still pressing in on him, making it hard to think. But unlike from another time in his life when he’d simply given into it and killed, this felt different. More controllable. Less wild and frightening. Just, focused. He could use it to focus and remove a threat. Easy as that.

            “I told Bruce I’m going to kill the Joker.”

            The only reaction he got from Tim was an eye-twitch. A tightening of long fingers on that can of RedBull. “And he reacted badly.”

            “No. He didn’t—he didn’t react at all.”

            “I see. Did you want him to?”

            “Not really. It wouldn’t have changed anything. If anything, his response, makes things easier. I told him he wasn’t going to do anything this time. He wasn’t going to stop. He was going to _let_ me kill Joker.”

            Tim nodded, “He froze.”

            “Yes.”

            “He wants it. But will never condone it. It goes against everything he is. You have to know that Jason. Killing is never something he is going to say he’s all for. Even for you.”

            “I—” Jason shifted, “I know that. That wasn’t what I was looking for. Hell, I don’t know what I was looking for. It’s not like I needed his permission.”

            “No. But it makes things a little easier if you have it.”

            Jason shrugged, “I guess.”

            “Do you want help?”

            “What?”

            It was Tim’s turn to shrug, “I’m not Bruce. I agree with the no-kill policy the majority of the time. But in this case, Joker is a sociopath with no chance of redemption. He’s proven that over and over again. He’s killed, raped, burglarized. If he were actually ever tried in a court that could do it without running that insanity plea, he’d have already been put on death row. He’d probably be dead by now.”

            Jason stared at Tim, felt something like God honest gratefulness or maybe it was love niggling somewhere in there then cleared his throat. Suddenly, it was hard to swallow. “How would you help me?”

            “I’m a whiz with computers. I’ve been running all the programs Bruce has me monitoring for any signs of the Joker. Any lead we get, any flicker of movement, I can give it to you first.”

            “You’d lie to Bruce.”

            “No. I’d give you a head start. That’s all.”

            “Bruce will be furious with you.”

            Tim look thoughtful for a long minute, his eyes luminous and dark, “Maybe. But I think probably not. He _can’t_ help you kill Joker. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t _want_ to. If the option is merely taken out of his hands altogether, I think there might be something freeing in that. Plus, if all these years have proven anything, it’s that Bruce is actually a pretty forgiving guy. At least with the people he loves.”

            Jason didn’t know what to say. “I’ll think about it.”

            “Alright. In the meantime, you want a sparring partner?”

            His eyes burned, his stomach hollowed. He didn't deserve this kindness. He didn't deserve Tim as a brother. But he was glad to take it. “I—yeah. That would be nice.”

            “Cool,” Tim downed the last dregs of his energy drink then rolled up on his toes, “Just give me a sec to change and I’ll be back to kick your ass.”

            “Not in your life Timbo.”

            Tim snorted, trotting away towards the lockers, “You’re gonna eat your words.”

            “I don’t think so!” Jason bellowed back, grateful that Tim had kept things light. Had kept things simple. That’s what he needed right now. Light and simple.

            Because his thoughts were not.  


	9. Chapter 9

 

            Lanie received two more text messages in the following weeks.

            Both of which were untraceable. Both of which were as cryptic as the first message. Though much less visceral than the photographs. It was a small comfort to be living within the walls of Wayne manor again. At least in this place, she could be relatively certain that she was safe from the Joker’s reach. Bruce had assured her of that much.

            Outside however, Lanie struggled not to let the fear eat at her.

            During the day, Lanie went to classes, did her errands and chatted with friends. She moved from one daily activity to the next, in a daze, mind whirring but hardly present. She could only five half her attention to the people around her. The rest was fastidiously looking over her shoulder. Watching everyone’s faces and hands. Worrying about who was hiding their true intentions behind a plastic smile.  

            In the evenings, Lanie was so exhausted she fell asleep almost immediately after supper. She’d eat, attempt to appear genuine during conversation with one of the boys or with Bruce, but in the end, she’d have to excuse herself to be alone. Only Jay was allowed inside the noise that was her thoughts.

            They would lay in bed, curled into each other, sharing warmth and whispering about their little Battybean. Names would be volleyed back and forth, guesses as to if she’d be early or not, flickers of what the future might hold.

            Lanie could forget about the threat of the Joker looming in those quiet moments. She could imagine their house, small but big enough for room to grow. She could see herself weeding a flower bed, chasing a little girl with pigtails and green eyes like Jay’s. She could imagine the sun warm on her back and the air crisp with promise. Unfettered and soft.

            Joker-free.

            Lanie smirked at her thoughts, at the sheer whimsical and foolish quality to them then picked up her pace on the treadmill. She wasn’t much a of runner, but she did enjoy walking. And it was good for the baby. So, she tried to get herself into the Wayne manor gym at least a few times a week. This time, she was alone with only the sound of her tennis shoes scuffing on the textured track filling the space. The sound of her breathing, slightly ragged but soft, were keeping pace like a metronome in the background of her thoughts. She wanted to think about the baby and Jay. About all the possibilities and the joy that lay ahead for them. But a grease-paint smile loomed menacingly when she slipped too deeply into her mind. And Lanie didn’t want that.

            She liked the quiet. Lanie had never been one to fill it with noise or music. Silence soothed her frayed nerves and she let herself drift in and out of the fears. She registered the fears, then pushed them away until her mind was empty, and everything felt soft.

            When she hit thirty minutes, Lanie powered down the treadmill and climbed off to stretch on the mats. Her stomach was big enough that stretching had become a bit comical as she bent over the beachball in her midsection to touch her toes. Lanie found herself snorting back a laugh when she had to breathe out, just to make room to fully stretch her hamstrings.

            And that was when she felt it.

            Not just a bubbly fluttering that tickled and felt a little like gas. But a full-blown _push_ just above her belly button. She froze, breaking the stretch she’d been attempting to sit upright. Both hands flew to her stomach and she held still. She held her breath until her lungs wanted to burst and then she felt it again.

            And it was unmistakably the baby moving.  

            Lanie stood up so quickly she almost toppled back over and had to stand still for a moment to keep her balance. Then she was barreling over to the gym wall where she’d left her phone and water bottle. Jay’s number was her first speed dial pre-set and even though she knew he was on shift, he would still pick up. He always did.

            He answered on the third ring.

            “Everything alright?” 

            She laughed, a little hysterically and a little watery, because she was six months pregnant and emotional, but it felt good. It felt right to do so. The joy floating like moth wings in her chest, felt unmistakably good. “It’s fine, Jay. It’s better than fine.”

            She could hear the background sounds of the cruiser. The mumblings of Haggarty at his side. “What’s up?”

            “She moved.”

            “What?” some rustling of papers, clicking keys on a laptop, “I’m sorry babe, it’s loud in here. Say that again.”

            “The baby. She moved Jay. I felt her move. I really—” Lanie’s throat slammed closed and her vision blurred with tears. But they were happy tears. “She moved.”

            “Shit.”

            Lanie laughed again, “You OK?”

            “I wanna be there. I really do.”

            “You’ll be home in four hours.”

            “Fuck,” Jay hissed and Lanie could hear the sound of sirens being flipped on. The sound of Haggarty’s dry voice telling dispatch cruiser 390 was in route. “I have to go Lanie. I’m so sorry.”

            “It’s OK. It’s fine Jay. Really, I just wanted to tell you first.”

            “I love you Lanie.”

            “I love you too.”

            It was probably one of their shortest phone calls. But that hardly mattered. Lanie couldn’t stop smiling as she wiped her cheeks and rubbed her stomach affectionately. It was the best thing to have happened to her in weeks. She couldn’t be happier about it.

            “You’ve already got us both wrapped around your little finger, sweetheart, you know that?” she hummed, gathering her water bottle, already heading for the kitchen. She needed a snack. Maybe some Rocky Road ice cream.

            She was in the mood to celebrate a little.

            It wasn’t a surprise to find Alfred in the kitchen this time of night. But it was a comfort. Lanie had grown accustomed to spending a portion of her evenings with Alfred when waiting for Jay’s shift to end. Especially if he went from shift straight out on patrol. The house was quiet with everyone gone but Alfred was a constant. A warm presence that reminded her she wasn’t alone in this big monolith.

            When she found Alfred sitting at the table with a cup of tea, munching on shortbreads, she broke into a wide grin and kissed him messily on the cheek.

            “My dear,” Alfred murmured, grasping her hand on his shoulder for a tight squeeze, “Whatever was that for?”

            “Nothing. For being you. For always being here when I need you.”

            Alfred lifted a brow, but he was smiling. And it was a smile that Lanie knew well. A pleased one. “Would you like a cookie?”

            “I think I’d like ice cream actually.”

            She moved to the freezer and Alfred stood immediately to stop her. “Oh no, my dear. Sit. I’ll get it.”

            “I can do it Alfred.”

            “I insist.”

            And he did. If she tried to stop him, the man would usually take it as a hefty insult. So, Lanie took a seat opposite from where Alfred had placed himself. When he returned with the bowl of ice cream, Rocky Road—because of course Alfred knew what her favorite was—Lanie could feel the baby kicking again. It brought a thrill so acute, she felt a little lightheaded.

            “Alfred,” Lanie grabbed his hand before he could move away, then placed it on her belly. The baby immediately kicked back, however lightly, at the warm press of the butler’s hand and Alfred made a choked noise of surprise.

            “Good God—that’s,” he cleared his throat, “That’s wonderful.”

            “Isn’t it?” Lanie beamed, tugging Alfred down to kiss him on the cheek again, to take in the smell of his pipe tobacco and the scent of furniture polish that always clung to him. She kept it brief, because Lanie had come to learn the older gentleman simply wasn’t comfortable with big shows of affection, then released him.

            When he sat back in his place at the table, Alfred was pink clear to the tops of his ears, but he looked absurdly pleased. And Lanie couldn’t be happier about it.

            “She’s going to be a wild one.”

            Lanie grinned, “Probably. Look who her father is?”

            Alfred laughed, “Any names yet? I haven’t wanted to bother, but I’m increasingly curious.”

            “No. Not yet. We’ve both been so busy.”

            “I would imagine.”

            Neither one of them mentioned why. Lanie had no interest in spoiling the joy still buzzing in her veins. In this brief moment, she would prefer to remain blissfully ignorant. Happy.

            “Master Jason is working till midnight?”

            “Yes. He’ll be home in a few hours.”

            “Excellent. I’m sure you’ve already spoken with him.”

            “I have,” Lanie took a huge bite of ice cream, savoring a piece of chocolate for a long moment, letting her thoughts drift. Alfred never filled the empty spaces in a conversation needlessly and Lanie always appreciated that. “Alfred, I realize that this might be out of your realm of interest, but would you be willing to help me set up the nursery?”

            The butler had already finished his biscuits and looked the picture of British upper-crust wearing his silk robe and striped pajamas. Not a hair out of place. But his smile was warmer than the sun to Lanie.

            “Miss Lanie, nothing would give me more pleasure.”

            Lanie smiled in return, though her chest ached a little at the thought of she and Jay not being able to have their own space. To live in that house they wanted to buy. Given time, Joker would be caught, and their lives would settle back down. She had to believe that. But until then, the reality was that they could be living in the manor for quite some time. Time enough to need a nursery if the squirming baby in her belly had anything to say on the matter.

            “I’m thinking I’d like it themed.”

            “Colors?”

            “Pink and gray? Is that too much?”

            Alfred grinned warmly over his mug of tea, “My dear, I’ve had nothing but testosterone in this house for decades. I think we all could do with a bit of pink and frill.”

            Lanie laughed, “Well, then I won’t feel badly about wanting to do unicorns.”

            That earned her a laugh. And Lanie enjoyed it almost as much as the ice cream.

 

 

 

            Jason didn’t get home until almost one. When he did collapse into bed beside Lanie, she was curled into herself, one pillow propped under her belly, another between her knees, and yet another hugged tightly under her head. Pregnancy made for interesting sleeping arrangements.

            She’d stolen one of his shirts and despite the growing belly, she was still swimming in it. She still looked like a little doll who’d gotten lost and ended up in his bed. The image made him smile as he settled into bed and wrapped around her.

            Lanie’s soft snore was the only response he got when he kissed her cheek, the back of her neck. When he pushed her auburn hair off her forehead and whispered a few endearments that he normally wouldn’t when she might be awake. In the dark of their bedroom, Jason slipped his hand under that big t-shirt, pressed his palm flat to her tummy and willed their baby girl to move.

            When Lanie had called and told him that the baby had moved. He’d felt intensely—jealous, at first. And then disappointed that he couldn’t have been at home with her to enjoy that moment. But he’d miss other moments. That was life, wasn’t it? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t neat, or balanced. It just fucking was.

            With the hours he worked, with a job like his, it was very possible Jason could miss first steps, first words, scraped knees, and any number of boogey man nightmares. He’d miss things and he needed to get used to the idea. It wasn’t a new idea when a parent had to work. But at some point during the pregnancy, Jason’s focus had shifted from terrified first-time parent, to excited, obsessed and over-eager parent. The more he saw and felt and did with Lanie and the baby, the more he wanted to be there for everything. Every blip, every twitch, every flicker of anything.

            He wanted to see it all.

            Jason was a greedy bastard and not afraid in the least to admit it. He had years-worth of shitty childhood memories to spurn him on to do better—be better. He wanted that more than anything.

            Finding out they were going to have a girl had been a pleasant surprise. A little frightening—actually a lot—but welcome. So welcome. Because he hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted their tiny little person to be a girl until she was. Until that was the reality.

            “You been good to mommy today?” Jason murmured the words, already half-asleep, but still hopeful she would move.

            For long minutes, nothing happened. Lanie’s breathing was a lullaby in his ears and the warmth of her skin on his and the blankets above them was drugging. Jason had almost completely drifted off before he felt the pulse under his palm.

            He jerked awake and Lanie groaned, burrowing deeper into her pillow. Jason blinked into the inky dark, waited a beat, then felt it again and just about damn near cried. It was foolish to sit in the dark and cry about feeling his child move. But it was the first physical thing he had to connect himself to her. The first time he could really, without a doubt, know there was a baby in there.

            Maybe that was stupid, considering the size of Lanie’s belly. Or the ultrasound pictures they had. But it was true. The baby had been more of a concept. A thing. But with that movement, it helped click things together. It filled in the gaps and made Jason’s chest ache. Made him want to kiss Lanie from head to toe and make love to her till she forgot her name. Because Lanie was the reason he was going to be a father. Lanie was the reason he had something to live for. To die for.

            She had given this to him.

            Three years ago—he’d had nothing. He’d been ready to die and didn’t care. It was almost impossible to see how he’d gone from that to this. The differences were too great. Nearly too much to swallow.  

            It was also why his resolve to kill Joker had never been stronger.

            Bruce hadn’t tried to talk him out of it. Dick and Tim remained silent on the matter too, though Jason knew that Bruce had likely spoken to them. Damian had been strangely helpful, interested in the baby and seemingly trying to get along rather than squabble.

            The last three weeks since he’d made his decision had been a little like stepping into the twilight zone. There was a sense unreality to his day to day tasks. To sitting in the dark with Lanie close and warm and their baby under his hand.

            Jason closed his eyes, swallowed back the rush of emotion that wanted to clog his throat and willed himself to let go. To try and sleep.

            When he did manage to sleep, he dreamed of Joker. Eyes wide and staring, mouth frozen permanently in a grimace rather than a smile. Dead.

 

 

 

             “Hood—we don’t know—”

            “It’s him.”

            Jason had never been more certain of anything in his life. Like the man left a stench behind as his calling card, Jason could literally _smell_ the acidic tang of Joker venom in the air. He could see it painted on the face of the dead security guard who was sprawled on the concrete flooring. Joker couldn’t have left a bigger calling card if he tried.

            “He’s gone,” Tim was bent over the guard, fingers resting uselessly at a pulse they could see was long missing. Jason imagined he’d been a corpse for close to six hours. Maybe more.

            The warehouse had been cleaned. Fingerprints wiped, security footage scrubbed. It was a little neater than Joker ever bothered with. But this was a different game than what he usually played. Joker had an end game that required he not get caught until he was ready. He needed stealth and no trace that would lead back to where the fucker was hiding.

            But it was only a matter of time.

            Jason ran his tongue along his teeth, tasted blood from biting his cheek too hard, then turned on booted heel and moved deeper into the warehouse. Whatever the Joker had wanted, it was already missing. Long gone.

            But he still needed to look.

            Bruce was already deep in a storage unit, pouring over shelf after shelf, scanning the contents with the HUD on his arm. Jason didn’t need to ask to know he’d found nothing.

            “He’s long gone.”

            “Yes,” Bruce’s voice sounded dark as soot beneath the distortion device in his cowl, “All stock is accounted for.”

            “He probably had someone change the manifests.”

            “Probably.”

            “Have you contacted GCPD? The coroner?”

            “Not yet,” Bruce murmured, sliding around a shelf to stalk to the back of the unit, “I found traces of venom and this—” he reached into his belt, withdrew an evidence bag and handed it to Jason.

            Jason squinted, tempted to take off the helmet to see it better. But they weren’t in a secure enough location for that, so it stayed on.

            “Thumb drive?”

            The lenses of the Bat gave nothing away, showed absolutely no emotion but Jason could see the tension coming off of Bruce in waves. It felt thick like poison and as toxic as the Joker venom.

            “Yes.”

            It would be a message. Maybe a video or more intrusive photographs. Something to rile Jason and inflict panic. Joker was a sociopath who enjoyed any reaction he could get. His games were always two-fold, a meaning within a meaning for his motives. And the motives were as dark and filthy as the man himself.

            “Red Robin,” Bruce walked past Jason, brushing shoulders with him, “Report the body to the GCPD and let them know they’ll need the coroner. Meet us back at the cave when you’ve finished securing the scene.”

            “Sure thing.”

            Jason and Bruce didn’t say anything on their drive back to the manor. It was an unspoken treaty to remain silent, to say nothing about the flickering of rage and frustration that was filling Jason’s chest and choking him.

            When they’d changed into sweats and were standing in front of the computer console, booting up the thumb drive, Jason was vibrating with the need to _do something._ To _hurt someone._

            Bruce knew enough to say nothing about it.

It was a frightening sensation. One that made him feel wildly out of control. Maybe it was because they’d been closer to Joker this night than they’d been in months. So close, but just out of reach. Maybe it was because Joker had an advantage on them and they were stuck playing catch-up until the case broke and they got a credible lead as to where he was hiding. Which left them sifting through crime scenes and chasing tail, like fucking idiots.

            Jason thought it might have been all of those things.

            But when Bruce opened the video file on the drive and Joker’s face flickered to life on the screen, Jason swore ripely under his breath and had to grip the desk with both hands to keep from smashing anything. Because seeing Joker like that, was harder to swallow than he’d thought it would be.

            _“Hello Batsy!”_

Joker looked the same. Always the same. The same as his nightmares and memories. As every imagining of the villain he’d ever had. The man never seemed to age or change. He was standing center screen, no visible background or clues, no discernable noise in the silent static to give his location away. The Joker had learned a thing or two of the years. The fucking prick.

            _“By now you’ll have received all my little messages and must be in a frenzy,”_ Joker laughed, dry and brittle, _“But I wanted to give you a little something extra special. From me—to you.”_

There was the sound of crinkling paper in the background, Joker’s chest in vivid purple as he leaned too close to the camera to grab something then he was holding up a piece of fabric. Fabric?

            Joker’s smile was wide and amused, his eyes glossy black. Emotionless. He felt little if anything. _“Do these look familiar little bird?”_

There was a dramatic pause, theatrical of course, before Joker straightened out the piece of cloth and held it up to the camera for a better view. A pair of underwear, lacey and clearly feminine. Then Jason was frozen, his chest so tight it hurt to breathe, all the blood draining from his face to pool like ice in his fingers and toes.

            _“They still smell like her. I’ve kept them safe and warm for when I get a little—lonely. But you know why else I have these little pretties? Of course, you do. You’re a smart boy, little bird. You too Batsy, but I’m speaking to the bird right now. You know why I have them.”_

Joker pressed the pair of underwear--Lanie's underwear--to his nose and inhaled deeply, his eyes shuttering, _“Because whatever is yours, is mine. Because when I think about you fucking that little whore, I get a little—possessive. And I like to keep these around to remind myself of what I’m going to take from you. How I’m going to bring you, kicking and screaming, hopefully fucking begging, back to heel. I’m going to gag you with these little bird, and then I’m going to cut that little bastard out of that bitch’s belly in front of you.”_

Joker burst into uncontrollable laughter, his eyes dancing with madness.

_“In due time, I’m going to own you again. And there is nothing the big bad Bat can do about it. Isn’t that right, Batsy?”_

            Jason was paralyzed and shaking so badly he didn’t notice when Bruce had stood or that Bruce was grabbing his arm, trying to get his attention. The video file ended, went dark. The cave fell silent and Jason could only hear his own breathing. A scraping rattle in his ears, too fast and frightened.

            Bruce was talking to him, but it was under water and Jason had to blink several times to clear the image of the man in front of him, to make himself actually hear any of the words coming out of his mouth.

            “—breathe, Jay. Stay with me—”

            Jason blinked again, swayed a little and was forcefully made to sit in the chair Bruce had vacated. His head was shoved between his knees a moment later and he breathed raggedly through the clawing panic, through the sensation of fear and then rage. Blinding, feverish, rage.

            When he could sit up again, everything had cleared, and the cave came back into focus. Bruce was kneeling in front of him, his brows knitted in worry, face waxen and eyes wounded.

            “I’m going to catch him, Jay. I’m going to find him. He made a mistake.”

            “What?” Jason blinked, struggling to hear Bruce over his throbbing pulse.

            “He made a mistake, Jay. I’ll find him.”

            Jason’s mouth felt fat. Felt like it wasn’t working right. “Whatever you’re thinking, it wasn’t a mistake. He did it on purpose.”

            Bruce nodded slowly, “Maybe. But it means we’re closer to confronting this. To it being over.”

            “To me killing him,” Jason didn’t mean to whisper, or for his voice to break, but it did.

            Bruce stared at him a moment, swallowed thickly, then nodded. At some point, Tim had returned from patrol and had changed because he came to stand behind Bruce and stared up at the screen, his brows furrowed as he clicked on the video thumb nail then started reading the ISP and correlating information.

            “He left a back-door on the file.”

            “Yes,” Bruce stood, scrubbed both hands down his face.

            “It’s got an IP address. We have another location.”

            “It’s a trap. Or another clue. Another game,” Jason hissed, gripping his knees hard enough to bruise.

            “Maybe,” Timothy agreed, “But it’s something. I’m calling Dick in for back-up. Bruce, you OK if I get Damian in on this too?”

            Bruce blinked, “I don’t think I could keep him out of this if I tried.”

            “Alright. Let’s suit back up. We’ve got a couple hours till dawn. Enough time yet.”

            Not enough time. Never enough time. Joker wouldn’t be at the imbedded location. It wouldn’t be that easy. Joker just wanted the game to last _longer_ before he made his big move. He wanted the buildup to make his grand finale even bigger.

            And Jason was going to oblige the clown by making it the biggest finale ever. And his last.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The paperback copy to my novel, Dayton's Island, is now available on Amazon! Find it here : https://www.amazon.com/Daytons-Island-Phantoms-Felicia-Saltzman/dp/1793929947/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1547930588&sr=8-1
> 
>  
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> For more information about the second book in the Phantom series or upcoming novels, check out my website at: https://fillysaltz.wixsite.com/author
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>  
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> Thank you! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh--I've been sick as a dog. Everything got put on the back-burner for a bit. But I'm alive!!
> 
> *UPDATE* I don't know what the fuck happened, but evidently, I completely blew past a huge continuity error the first time I uploaded! I have since remedied the problem, but I am soooo sorry to those of you who read this chapter and were confused. Please forgive me. Thank you:)

            “Gwen, maybe.”

            _“Like Gwendolyn? Or would you keep it shortened?”_

“I don’t know,” Lanie mused, laying a pink onesie over her belly as if to size it to the baby underneath. She’d brought her mother shopping, via video chat, and was enjoying splurging a little. Bruce had convinced her to take his platinum card and what Jay didn’t know, couldn’t hurt him.

            Or at least he couldn’t kill her because she was pregnant and would be far less likely to pitch a fit _after_ he saw how cute of clothes she’d bought for their bean.

            _“What about Sofia?”_

“No. I think it’s too common now.”

            _“Do you want old fashioned? If that’s the case, you could do Alice? Irene? Or maybe even Evelyn?”_

“What about Isla? It’s Irish. But I really like the sound of it. It seems—whimsical to me,” Lanie stopped at a rack of diapers and loaded in a couple boxes. She’d been told she could never have enough.

            _“That’s such a pretty name, Lanie. What about a middle name?”_

“I think we’re both liking my middle name. Marie. Isla Marie.” Lanie’s mother immediately got teary and Lanie grinned, “Oh mom. Don’t cry.”

            _“It’s just—that’s so pretty. And talking about names, baby shopping, it’s making it all more real. In such a wonderful way. I’m so happy for you two!”_

It was a bit of relief that Lanie was happy too. Despite everything else going on, she was happy. How could she not be? She had a cart full of baby gear and the support of not one, but two families behind her.

            “Thank you, mom.”

            Lanie finished her video chat, grabbed a few more outfits, just because she could, then bundled into her Uber with so many bags, she could hardly see out the windows. She supposed that was why she started to nod off, with vague thoughts of getting an iced decaf something on the way home. The air in the car was warm, the pressure of the bags comforting, and Lanie could sleep almost anywhere in an effort to get more rest before the baby came.

            So, she didn’t feel any alarm when she startled awake some indeterminate amount of time later and realized she’d been asleep. And she didn’t panic when she pushed aside a bag and looked out a window only to see that the street they were on didn’t look familiar.

            That didn’t mean anything. Taking an Uber meant you went different routes than you would normally. And that was fine with Lanie. She usually liked to talk to her driver and get to know them better. Not fall asleep in their backseat and drool on their upholstery.

            The unease didn’t snake into her middle till she leaned forward to speak to her Uber driver and found the man smiling in the rearview mirror at her.

            There was something decidedly—chilling about his eyes. They were almost too black to distinguish pupil from iris and she didn’t know how she’d missed it before. Probably because she’d been too busy trying to load her bags. Too busy feeling happy and light.

            Too busy being _stupid_.

            But she was noticing now. And she felt abruptly, terrifyingly, sick.

            “Get a good sleep, sugar?”

            “I—I don’t—I don’t—” Lanie instinctively reached for the door handle to the sedan and found it locked. Plus, they were going about sixty miles an hour on a highway she didn’t recognize, so escaping out a moving door would be suicide. But she felt the urge to run so strongly, it was mandating her emotions. Making her feel like a cornered rabbit in front of a snake. Ice pooled in her belly and made her feel abruptly nauseous. They could be anywhere and like a fool—she’d slept through any possible clues. “Where are you—taking me?”

            She didn’t like that her voice shook. That her heart was beating so fast it was making the baby squirm beneath her ribs. Instinctively, she placed a hand over the bump and rubbed.

            “Somewhere warm and safe. Not to worry. Not. At. All,” the man smiled at her again, wide and brilliant, but his teeth were stained yellow and his smile looked manic. Lanie felt perilously close to passing out from hyperventilating.

            “Please—take me home. You don’t want to do this.”

            “I don’t?” the smile shifted, the scales of a snake showing his true colors beneath the false veneer he’d donned, “I can assure you sweet sugar, that I really, _really_ do.”

            It took her another handful of seconds to remember she’d gotten into the car with a phone. Of course, she had. Then she was scrambling to find it in the mess of her purse. Only to come up empty.

            The cackle of the driver was enough to raise every hair on her body to full alert. Lanie cowered in her seat away from it.      

            The laugh was too signature and telling. Too real.

            “Oh, you are pretty. But not too bright, eh? I already took that. When you so kindly fell asleep. It’s just you and me, puddin’.”

            Lanie jerked, the title making her feel sicker. She’d heard the name before. Heard it somewhere. She just couldn’t put her finger on where. Wasn’t sure if she wanted to. It took another fifteen minutes to get where they were going and when the car pulled to a stop, Lanie went through every scenario in her head she could as a way to calm her frantically fraying mind.

            She couldn’t fight back. Not really. Not without harming the baby.

            _The baby. The baby. Oh God, the baby. How could she protect the baby?_

When the man came around to open the door for her, Lanie sat frozen, body unable to move out of sheer terror. He smelled like motor oil, a little like something acidic, when he leaned in close and grabbed her by the shoulders to bodily get her out of the car. She flinched away and immediately helped, to avoid more contact.

            Outside, beneath the brush of dwindling sunlight and smoggy bay, she realized they were still in Gotham and that brought a tiny ounce of relief. However, small.

            The man grabbed her hand, folded it into the crook of his arm, and they walked side by side towards the warehouse dock, which was open and gaping like a giant black mouth. Lanie’s skin crawled at the pressure of those long pale fingers, even through her shirt.

            “I know I’m missing my usual—flair—but I’m sure you’ve guessed who I am, haven’t ya?”

            She kept silent, waited to be brought inside, and sat down on a folding chair that was set up beside a folding table. There was a glass of water already filled and sitting ominously on the table.

            Nothing else. No one else.

            Their breaths echoed loudly, harsh rasps as she tried and failed to calm.

            “Drink that for me toots.”

            “W—what?”

            The man, Lanie forced her eyes up, made herself look at his face as a whole and see what he really was.

            _Joker. Joker was in front of her. Joker had finally caught her. Joker._

Joker’s smile spread, slow as molasses as he watched her face, “We’re going to have so much fun.”

            “Please.”

            “Drink the water.”

            “Please, I’m pregnant. I have a baby. I can’t—”

            “Drink the water,” he said softly, even more threatening despite the lowering of his voice. One finger was brushing her right cheekbone, skating the nail along the flesh just enough to be uncomfortable. Lanie had a horrible vision of him jabbing that finger into her eye socket in retaliation for disobedience. But she couldn’t possibly drink the water.

            It was almost surely drugged, and it could hurt the baby.

            She couldn’t.

            “Drink it, Lanie.”

            “I can’t,” she whispered, tears clawing up the back of her throat, flooding her eyes.

            “Drink it, or I’m going to fucking punch your stomach. And then we’ll see which hurts the baby worse, hmmmm?”

            She blinked through the haze of tears and automatically reached for the glass. Her hands were shaking so badly it sloshed a little over the rim and got her front wet. It felt like ice on her skin.

            “Drink it,” he hummed, low in his throat, “that’s a good girl.”

            Lanie took a swallow, tasted nothing, then took a few more swallows. She was terribly thirsty. So, it wasn’t as hard as she first imagined to drink the full glass, but by the end of it, her stomach was uncomfortably full and she knew—she knew there were drugs in it. Could feel them already working, making her groggy and loose.

            “Like that?”

            “N—no. I don’t. Please.”

            “I’m not going to hurt you—” he cackled, high and whining in her ears, “Yet. Not yet.”

            “Please.”

            It was the last thing she was able to garble out past her numb lips before she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer and everything went black.

           

           

             

            She hadn’t come home on time.

            She always came home on time.

            She always called.

            Why hadn’t she called him? Texted him? Lanie knew how he worried. She knew how bad he panicked, and for good fucking reason. Why wouldn’t she call? What could possibly be more important than checking in?

            “Jay, she’s only a half-hour late.”

            “She set up an Uber. She wouldn’t have been late. There were no accidents on her route home, nothing that should have delayed her. And even if it had, she would have texted. Lanie always texts me. Something is wrong.”

            “I understand your fear—”

            Jason shoved to a stand and threw his water bottle against the kitchen wall. The crash of it exploding into pieces of broken plastic was cacophonous. “No, you fucking don’t!”

            “Whoa,” Bruce stepped into the kitchen from the garage, eyes darting to the ruined remains of the water bottle then back to Jason and Tim who had been waiting at the table. “What’s going on?”

            “Lanie isn’t home yet. She’s late. Something is wrong.”

            Jason had no time for this bullshit. He needed to go and start looking. Tearing up every lead, shredding every barrier. He needed to make sure she was safe and home.

            Bruce stilled, one hand flexing on his briefcase. It looked like he’d been at WE for something. Probably kissing ass all afternoon. “How late?”

            “Thirty minutes.”

            “She won’t answer her phone?”

            “No.”

            Bruce’s brows knitted, “Let me ping her phone. I installed a GPS weeks ago. We can make everyone feel better.”

            They all descended to the cave in silent procession. And when they stood side by side at the computer console, the glow of blue light making everything look disturbingly like a horror film, they saw what they should not have seen.

            “Her phone is off, but GPS is still functional.”

            “When did you install it?”

            “Two weeks ago. I check it daily for calibration.”

            Tim blinked, “Do you have one of those on all our phones?”

            Bruce merely lifted a brow, then turned back to Jason, “One step at a time.”

            It was Bruce’s calm and command of the situation that eventually cooled thing off a little, that made it possible for Jason to breathe. Bruce pulled up the schematics on Lanie’s GPS, then they waited. The LED on the computer whirled, the map zoomed and flickered down, down, down. Then zeroed in on an abandoned wharf off Gotham bay.

            Exactly where Lanie had no place being.

            Jason couldn’t move. He didn’t move, actually, for a solid thirty seconds and when he did, he realized that no one else had either. Bruce was frozen staring at the computer, his face ghost-white, hands clamped dangerously on the edge of the desk. Timothy didn’t look much better, but he was staring sightlessly at the floor, his jaw clamped and working.

            “He’s got her.”

            “Not for sure,” Tim whispered.

            “Yes,” Bruce shook his head, blew out a harsh breath, “Yes, it’s for sure. Call Dick. Get him in. Call—call Clark too. We could use his help. Jason—”

            Jason blinked at Bruce, couldn’t make his mind compute, couldn’t make his eyes focus either. Everything was hazy. He wasn’t breathing deep enough and had to struggle to make his mouth open and air to draw in.

            All he could see was Joker’s face. His fucking face rubbing in Lanie’s underwear. And he felt sick. He felt so fucking sick.

            “Jason, I need you to focus. Can you? Can you focus, Jay?” Bruce murmured, standing in front of him, grabbing the sides of his face to center him. “Focus Jay. Look at me. Look at my face.”

            “I’m—trying,” Jason’s jaw wanted to lock shut. He realized it was because he was shaking. He was having another fucking panic attack or well on his way to having one. And this wasn’t the time. They were wasting precious minutes. But his throat was tightening, and the back of his tongue tasted sour and he was going to throw up. “Ss-sick.”

            “You’re going to be sick?”

            Jason nodded, bent over double and Tim saved the day by shoving a trash can in his face. Jason quickly lost everything in his stomach and kept it up till his sides were heaving and his eyes watering mercilessly. When Tim took the trash away from him and went to clean it out, Bruce had obviously gone off to get supplies, because he handed Jason a cup of water and draped a blanket over his shoulders. He was still shaking.

            He didn’t want the fucking blanket or the pity or anything. He wanted Lanie. He wanted Joker dead. He wanted so many things that felt too fucking far away, like sand slipping through slotted fingers. Just out of reach.

            “He has—he has—her.”

            “Yes. But we’re going to find her.”

            “You didn’t—you didn’t—f—f—find me.”

            Bruce couldn’t hide the flinch. Jason saw it; didn’t take it back. It was true. Bruce didn’t find Jason until it was too late. Until the damage had been so severe, he’d had to be revived. And then he’d been fucked so badly, it had taken years to get him back. Lanie wouldn’t survive.

            _Their baby wouldn’t_.

            Jason hunched over and was immediately sick again, this time sans the trash. Bruce merely stepped aside and kept up a steady rubbing pressure between his shoulder blades. Like old times. It was fucking pathetic. And Jason hated himself more than he’d hated himself in some time.

            _Pitiful little bird. Look at you?_

            Dick got to the cave in under an hour. Jason was much better in control of himself by then. He was still twitchy and cold, but his stomach had settled and only the faint scent of bleach remained in the air. A bitter burn that reminded Jason of what was to come.

            That reminded him of memories he tried to keep buried and never visit.

            Jason fell silent as they geared up and left for the location where Lanie’s cellphone had pinged. There would be nothing there. Joker was long gone with Lanie. But there was probably a clue. There was likely—something left behind by the clown, so Jason could follow the next clue. And the next. Till his little game ended.

            Till he got what he wanted.

            _Pathetic. Look at you? You cry any louder, you’d sound like a bitch in heat. Ha. That’s funny? You askin’ for it, pretty bird?_

“There’s nothing here,” Dick murmured, his voice hollow in the large space of concrete and metal. He was right. There was nothing left behind.

            Just a kicked over folding chair and a flimsy card table.

            “No,” Tim stooped low, squatting down in front of the tipped over chair, “I’ve got some fibers.”

            There was a soft swish of fabric, the tell-tale signs of the Bat moving about a crime scene as Bruce moved nearer, “Collect the fibers. We’ll bring them back for analysis. If Lanie was here, we’ll know.”

            “Batman,” Damian’s voice was soft, careful, “I’ve got possible blood spatter on this door frame.”

            “What?” Jason’s stomach dropped, and all the blood drained from his face, “Show me.”

            “Jay—” Dick tried to soothe, but it was an effort in futility because Jason was already rushing across the room to where Damian was standing.

            It was easy to see what Damian was talking about. Spatter. Looked like medium velocity, dried to brown, rather than crimson. But unmistakably blood. He’d seen enough to know better. They all had.

            Bruce’s voice was emotionless. “Swab it. Bring that too. Hood, with me.”

            Jason couldn’t make himself move. Not at first. Not at all.

            He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the spatter and with it, every imagining for how it happened. Had Joker struck Lanie? Broken her nose? Split an eyebrow? Smashed her head into the doorframe to make her comply?

            His guts twisted, and he breathed carefully through his mouth to prevent any unwanted smells from slipping through.

            “Hood. Outside. Let them wrap the scene up.”

            “You don’t order me around,” Jason growled, “I don’t work for you.”

            “You need some air.”

            “What I fucking need—is for Joker to die. What I need, is for Lanie to be at home in our bed, safe! That’s what I fucking need. Don’t talk to me like you’ve got any idea what I need.”

            “Jay,” Bruce whispered, chin dropping to look at the concrete flooring, voice layered with regret. “Don’t push us away. We’re—trying. We’re all trying to help. We all want the same thing.”

            Jason had nothing to say to that. So, he fell silent, looked around the sparse warehouse, with its broken glass and bland color scheme, then he walked around Bruce and went outside. Darkness had fallen over Gotham and the city was lit like a torch, all yellow and white lights, blending together in a garish display.

            He was starting to feel—nothing. Nothing at all.

            And maybe that was good. Maybe numbness would help him work smarter. Faster. Think more clearly without the panic leaking into his every thought. Maybe that was a good thing.

            Maybe.

            “The fibers and the blood will lead us to Joker’s next clue,” Tim had followed him out and was standing to his right. His expression was unreadable past the black half-mask he wore.

            “And then what?”

            Tim inclined his head, “We’ve beaten him before. We’ll do it again. Joker wants a show. He’ll get one.”

            “He’s going to hurt Lanie to get it.”

            Tim’s eyes were just white slits. Soulless and empty. Like Jason. “Worrying over every scenario helps no one. It helps nothing.”

            “Tough love, is it?”

            “You’re spiraling. Bruce isn’t going to shape you up and Dick is too soft. So yeah, I guess I’m elected. Snap out of it.”

            “Listen, you fucking little—”

            “No,” Tim hissed, stretching up on tiptoe to stab a finger in Jason’s face, “you listen! We all care about Lanie and that baby. We all love them. And if you think we don’t care just as fucking much about preventing even a single hair from being harmed on her head, then you have fucking lost your mind. We are going to find them. We are going to win, because it’s what we fucking do. And I know that Joker is fucking with your mind, and he’s got ammunition to use on you that I’ve got no notion of. I don’t want to know about it. But you are letting him win.”

            “I—” Jason swallowed thickly, looked away from Tim and down at his boots. They were caked in mud from the wet gravel, “I’m not.”

            “You are. He’s winning just by screwing with your head. We both know Joker likes the games more than he likes the physical aspect of his torture-fests. And if you let him see how twisted up you are right now, then he wins. He doesn’t need to lay a fucking hand on Lanie and he’s still won. Do you understand?”

            “I get it Tim.”

            “Good,” Tim lowered back down onto his heels, his mouth firming into a grimace, “I’m sorry.”

            “No,” Jason shook his head, sniffed to help with the burning in his nose and the backs of his eyes, “I needed to hear that. I needed—I needed the tough love. I was starting to spiral.”

            “Yeah. You were.”

            “Everything wrapped up?” Jason forced himself to focus on what they _did_ have, rather than what they _didn’t._

            They had fibers and blood. DNA that would point them in Lanie and Joker’s direction. They would find them. Jason would see her again, alive. He had to believe that. He had to.

            Or there was nothing else.

         


End file.
